It is a myth to say that men don’t talk about their feelings. They do, when they know or believe their feelings match the expectation she has on him. If you feel your genuine feelings would be met with disapproval of some description, you’ll clamp up. Obviously, the same thing is true for anyone, women and children alike. We all assume that certain feelings are to be expected, but they might not be in reality. Sometimes, the feelings that you do feel are the ones she wants to hear about, even gleefully, but she’s not good at expressing that she doesn’t WANT YOU to feel what “other women” would.
Therefore, take a curious tone, and ask her: “What if my feelings toward you aren’t exactly what you’d expect from a Hollywood romantic comedy? What if they’re different?” Be prepared to confess. She might find it delightful.
What women want is individual, too.
Mundane everyday women don’t want to be a Hollywood romance story heroines. If they did, they’d act that way. They might just want someone to stick around despite their less than strong adoration of her. She wants to know you’re HAPPY not being head-over-heels in love with her. She wants to hear that’s not even what you’re after, if some hot babe would happen your way promising to fulfil all your sexual fantasies for you in a romantic setting in Bora Bora. She just wants to know this is enough for you.
A flashy sexy woman, in her turn, doesn’t really want to waste all that on a man who just wants to hold her hand and recite poetry to her. She WANTS you to confess to your dirty little sexual secrets, so that you can both finally get it on. She may also feel very indifferent toward having children with her, in case you’re afraid she wants you to tell her you want babies… She might want you to confess you have no desire to becoming a father any time soon or better yet; ever!
There are women who directly connect sex with love as an inseparable deal, and then, there are those who separate love from lust as a non-compatible mashup. These types of women dress very differently from one another. They speak about different things if you let them. Neither is wrong, it’s just a question of what and how do you want it. But if you assume she would be unhappy with the way you want it, you won’t speak about it, would you?
Also, there are women who feel love is pain; physical pain, that is. And who do want it rough, DESPITE knowing and trusting you love her completely. It is not an unresolvable conflict…
There are women who have your emotional landscape mapped out out of fantasy, and react poorly when it doesn’t match your true feelings.
Do not put all women into this category although you’ve probably dated a few of these. The reason why most men have experience in these women, is that they project so much that their self-confidence issues never play a role in a relationship: They never doubt your feelings; she’s a woman, therefore, her speaking to you just made your life! They are so blindly ‘self-confident’ that they never doubt how you feel about them, and this, by the way isn’t the SLIGTHEST linked to her looks. She can be a real doozy and still feel this way, in fact, many of those doozies are that way because they see no point trying to please a man – being a woman should be plenty.
A woman who never second-guesses your feelings for her, or one that has decided to live in a state of fantasy where she can dictate all the roles others play in her life, the only thing she wants you to do is to deliver your lines perfectly. It’s like “I know you adore me, but now, act the way men who adore me should.” They feel they have to coach you into the role, and that behavior is separate from feeling. This is a past life trauma typical for aristocratic women married off for political purposes. “Sure he loves you, he’s just unaware of how to express it.” They’re brainwashed into believing their future husband loves them, for political reasons, and the men are compelled to pretend as much. With enough repetitions, the connection between behavior and feeling is lost, and they, in her mind, become two separate things.
In my view, we can never fully understand a person’s psychology without visiting their past lives, or the collective influence of past lives that we know from history to have occurred. We don’t need everyone to regress, but we need to understand that we are not a clean slate when we come into this world. Different social classes have different traumas, and we must find a way to fix them.
Could you talk about your feelings to all of us?
Don’t let me speak for you without putting your spoon into it. What if you would start a blog, anonymously if you like, and share your feelings and needs to us all – as an example. How different are men, really? What do you truly want? As an individual, how much do you differ from other men?
Start a blog with me (you have to join Second Life to get yourself a free blog, the join link is on Second Life (rezz it), hahaa) or send a guest post on mine. As a Sebastyne.net blogger, you’re also free to live on Zen Metal locations and call them home.