Now, don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against the LGBTQ+ crowd per se. However, when a person is in the closet, even from themselves, they can create a bit of drama for the straight people. It doesn’t mean they are inherently mean, it’s just that to survive a sexual and romantic relationship with a gender you’re not even theoretically attracted to requires strategies that are somewhat predictable.
I am personally so straight, that I need to flip the gender roles in my mind to empathize with a lesbian woman in a straight relationship. If I imagine myself in a comparable situation with a woman, I can understand how she feels with men.
Now, there are two different scenarios I want to run by you.
A utopian society where people marry from the same gender.
Suppose I’d be expected to marry another woman as a matter of fact? No questions asked. Men would marry men, women would marry women. Failing that would make us seem poorly socialized or something. We’d fail in life, or so it’d feel like. In a vision, I went through this.
I was at a bar, getting drunk. I am cocky; women like me, but I don’t really like them all that much. The thought of sex with them revolts me, but I’ve decided not to come out as a straight person. That is not really an option for me.
I notice a woman looking at me while another woman is desperately hitting on her. This scenario intrigues me; it flatters my ego. I get a little bit more drunk before making my move, enjoying the knowledge of being able to take this woman from that other one, with ease… I don’t stress about it, I relish it.
At this point, I’m not an alcoholic yet. I drink, but not habitually. When I go out, I get hammered tho, as otherwise, I’ll never sleep with a woman. I’m not sure if I’ve been with a lot of them or any, but I’ve had boyfriends, still pretending to be gay.
I get up, make a move on her, and she immediately accepts my advances. We wave the other woman goodbye as we head to her place.
I can’t even visualize sex with any clarity. I don’t like the idea, but I know in this vision I forced myself to do it. In the vision, I don’t let myself sober up in the morning. Instead, I get up and get a drink fast before coming back to her.
Fast forward 2 years. We have constant fights over my constant drinking. I dodge sex with her, I blame her for everything possible. If she becomes amorous, I’ll pick a fight over nothing to dodge sex. I am constantly some level drunk, and if I sober up a bit, I focus on the good stuff; hanging out, planning for the future, doing something romantic but not sexual, and if she makes a move, I’ll blame her for “always wanting sex” or “being sex-obsessed” and “ruining it all again.” I say when, how often, and how; and NEVER when I’m not drunk.
Sounds familiar?
Eventually, she nags me to stop drinking. It’s been 2 years and I haven’t been sober for a day. She blames all of our relationship issues on my drinking, but I know the only thing holding us together is my drinking. I’m starting to doubt it tho, and hoping she’s right, I quit drinking.
I wake up sober on our last morning. The absolute horror of it all dawns on me. I look at her next to me and I need to vomit. I run into the bathroom to vomit and then I shower, scrub my skin raw at the disgust of it all. Then, sobbing, I call my former boyfriend to come and get me. He arrives in a flash and I’m instantly better. All is better. I don’t look at her when I collect my stuff. Everything about her makes my skin crawl.
She didn’t do anything wrong. She had always been nice to me. But I hated it.
(And as real as this may sound, it is purely imaginary/envisioned, but it does feel very real to me, personally. I don’t drink, therefore, I don’t fuck women. :D)
“I can use her for money”
In another scenario, there’s a few of these I’ve envisioned, I use lesbian women for money. They like me, I don’t like them that much.
But let’s talk about this particular lesbian woman. She’s an actress that always catches my eye in her roles. She’s stunning. Absolutely gorgeous. Physically strong, a little masculine which I like. She seems like she’s got a floor-you laughing sense of humor; I imagine her being very funny in her real life. She has piercing intelligent eyes that don’t miss much. To me, she seems wicked smart. Just my type…
Provided I was a lesbian. 
If I was, I’d be all over her.
However, as I am as straight as people come, I completely lack a romantic and sexual response to women. It’s just not there. But she’d be too good to leave alone, if I knew her. So I imagine what would I do if she was, in fact, there, I’d be single, she’d be single, I would have no real reason to say no to her… If she’d come on to me – which obviously she would – what would I do?
Ah, I’d use her for money.
Flirt shamelessly, play hard-to-get. I’d hold all the cards, because she’d die for me, and I’d genuinely think she’s gorgeous, but I’d have all the power. I could flatter her from Earth to the Moon and back again and not lie for a second. I’d feel no remorse as she’s smart. She should know better. I have respect for her, therefore I don’t feel sorry for her. I can take her wining and dining and gifts and tokens of love and courtship and pay for it with a giggle and a smile. “You shouldn’t do this, you know” I’d tell her, knowing she won’t stop. “But I like to,” she’d reply, and I’d lightly kiss her cheek for a thank you. And I’d do that for as long as she realizes I’m as straight as an arrow, and utterly and completely in love with a bunch of men.
She’d scold me. I’d grin. “I didn’t think you looked like a fool, my dear. See ya.”
The thing here is that I respected her enough to not feel sorry for her. She’s exciting and intriguing, and I wouldn’t have to fake liking her as a person. But sex? Uh, never.
See how this goes? A successful, well-to-do man, fun, smart… If a woman is as lesbian as I’m straight, she’d need someone impressive to fake feelings for him; otherwise, how could she ever?
Well if I have to do it, I might as well get paid for it!
There’s another way to think about it. When you feel no romantic or sexual attraction to a gender, but you feel forced by the society to marry one anyway, you feel like you need to be compensated for it. If you further believe all people of your gender feel the same way, you feel like you won’t be one of the dumb ones who do it for free, but you’ll certainly get yourself a better deal.
To a heterosexual woman, a man is a reward enough. To have that presence, to be with a man – the sex alone is sometimes a reward enough. For a closet lesbian who feels forced into that role – not so much. She wants something extra. She needs something extra. A straight woman doesn’t. To her, any man is better than no man at all, but obviously, true love is true love, still.