Being a Full 10 man, you probably have noticed you are a magnet to narcissistic women. You better become aware of this so you can protect yourself from this:
You’d think that a narcissist is only interested in wealth and status, but you’d be wrong. Their currency is people. They want to be seen as a friend, spouse, parent, or whatever of an impressive person. TO BE SEEN AS.
What I mean is what I said elsewhere: It is an entirely different thing to be thought of as the king’s best friend as it is to BE the king’s best friend. They don’t want to BE ANYTHING to be honest, they want to be SEEN or THOUGHT OF as something impressive or something connected to someone impressive.
The narcissist will think that the LESS they need to be or do to achieve a link with an impressive person, the more IMPORTANT they must be.
The Importance of Importance.
The reason why narcissists feel it is important to be important is because they have ZERO survival skills. If they have survival skills, they don’t trust them. They have an acute fear of abandonment, which is where their trauma stems from. They fear that they will be abandoned and forgotten if they are not important enough. Some fear that they’ll be sacrificed for the greater good if they’re too expendable. May be used as a scapegoat. They fear being left to die or fend for themselves.
Therefore, they’ll try to bolster their importance in any way they can to fend off their acute fear of being left to die.
The point is that they’re not evil, but they should seek solace with people who have similar fears. The rest of us should avoid them at all costs. Full 10s will only worsen their fears, and Eventually, we will abandon them.
Impressive men are a magnet to narcissistic women. That said, they don’t want you to BE impressive, either.
A narcissist wants you to pretend to be impressive well. Still, if you ARE impressive in their company, they hate you for it. They believe you’re faking it because they believe everyone is faking it, and they want you to show them your true self because you’re close friends. What they need from you is “the truth,” and one way they try to get to that truth is by picking a fight over the smallest thing or nothing at all. If they have nothing, they’ll invent something. They may also create a fantasy idea of why you truly are, usually something pathetic and weak and scared, so that they feel you understand and love them deep down.
This leads to the narcissist’s habit of looking for impressive people like Full 10s are and then forbidding them from ever being impressive in their company. Your only job in a relationship with a narcissist is to make them look good, and that’s it. LOOK GOOD. Not BE good or FEEL good, but to look good to the outsiders, the outsiders they fear. “Everybody has a target on their back” is a narcissistic fear. Normal people don’t even know what that means.
An embarrassed narcissist is a dangerous narcissist.
When you catch a narcissist of something that they find embarrassing, they can turn dangerous. Mind you, they are not embarrassed about the same things as normal people are. This may be lucky because if we were good at embarrassing them, they’d kill a lot more often.
So. When you try to leave a narcissist, it’s always a good idea to allow them to save face somehow. Negotiate it. “Our relationship is now finished. What do you want to tell others about why we’ve broken up?” It’s best to leave it to them; there’s a good chance they want to take the blame for something you’d be embarrassed about if it was you.
They may just want you to admit that you are the one who LEFT THEM because a commitment quitter, to a narcissist, is a type of loser they think nobody wants to admit being. Ask them for compensation to ease their mind about why you’d allow them to say something like that. “OK, if I tell everyone that, what’s in it for me?” If you’re divorcing, go for extra time with your kids; if you don’t have any, then their favorite possession (even if you don’t care about it) or whatever you know to be a sacrifice for them. Make them feel like a master negotiator tho.
What they’re embarrassed about is another matter.
For example, I believe Amber Heard wanted to help Johnny Depp save face by telling people HE was the violent party in the relationship. More masculine than what he was, you see? I think she believed he divorced her because she was past her prime after turning 30. She thought telling her the reason was the abuse was a favor to her. An excuse not to hurt her feelings about her age. So, to give him credit for NOT embarrassing her for being old, she turned the tables as a favor to Johnny. Still, she was disgusted that Johnny wanted to make her repeat it all in court, and I think she eventually stopped trying to understand what it was really about.
Unfortunately for her, that is not a reputation a good man wants to live with. She’s now happy and calm when people know it was her who was beating him up like a real champ. (They believe everyone is an actor in a play.)
They are children in an adult body.
A narcissist will listen to anything told to them like they were a baby, toddler or a child. Don’t try to respect them by talking to them like a real adult. They respond best when you speak to them like a child. (Don’t do this with normal women, however.)
Check out this post about how a narcissistic woman is really a child in an adult body, perfectly equatable to a child.
