Heterosexual women want, need, dream about, and seek sex with… *drum roll* men. Bisexual women like it with both genders, and lesbian women only like it with other women. Heterosexual women DO NOT have secret sexual fantasies or dreams about sex with other women, EVEN IF they have never had sex with another woman in real life. We are simply NOT INTERESTED. Still, it may be quite difficult to spot a closet lesbian when you’ve been told that “women” are exactly like that. It is a closet lesbian red flag if she figures all women would rather be with women anyway. And somehow, people miss that red flag and think it’s green as!
The following is my personal observation (like everything on this site) and should not be taken as a proven fact. Read on with a level of criticism; I may be wrong.
Heterosexuality in women is a real thing.
This may sound like the obvious thing… For a heterosexual woman. The rest of you might be surprised.
Heterosexuality is not just a construct that men have invented. It is a real thing. Straight women don’t feel “forbidden” from having sex with women; they are only naturally interested in men. If they’ve ever thought about sex with other women, they’ve thought about it because everyone keeps saying a sexually open-minded woman should and that MEN expect it!
Many women seem to think “heterosexuality” means that you CHOOSE not to sleep with the same gender people while agreeing to sleep with only the opposite. It is particularly difficult for bisexual people to understand why a person’s sex has anything to do with their feelings toward that person. On this topic, gay people and heterosexual people understand each other much better.
Sometimes, people ask: “But don’t you find women beautiful?” And to that, I say: “Sure, I find flowers beautiful, but that doesn’t make me want to fuck them.” BEAUTY is not a sexual thing. Beauty, although nice to look at, is not a direct sexual signal. Beautiful horses, dogs, buildings… For most people, beauty alone doesn’t signal, “Oh, I have to fuck it,” otherwise, we’d all have relationships with our cars and inanimate objects, and an art show would be practically a dating event. I digress.
Why would a lesbian woman want a sexual relationship with a man?
There are a few reasons why a lesbian woman would want a sexual relationship with a man. This obviously means that closet lesbian women date straight men, hence the word “closet,” and it’s a good skill to spot a closet lesbian when you see one.
She might not notice she’s actually gay.
One reason is that she doesn’t realize she’s gay. We are SO brainwashed into thinking that “women do not like or need sex like men do” that it may go unnoticed by a woman that this sentence is only partially true. We don’t want it the same way as men do, but we heterosexual women have an immediate reaction to a man who wants it. A man is somewhat ready to go at all times, and a straight woman ignites from his desire – at least, I do.
If lesbian desire works the same way, a woman might go her whole life without feeling sexual desire at all because no woman has ever hit on her… (We do find men sexually interesting, but it takes their interest to turn into actual arousal.)
A lesbian woman who is in a relationship with a man wants to remain in control over when and how often she’ll agree to sex. She’d prefer never, and that makes sexual relationships difficult for straight women who men are too afraid to approach with sexual intent given that they’re forbidden from doing so… by what I can only imagine coming from closet lesbians.
It is a closet lesbian red flag that she does not see men as worthy human beings.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not judging them; I have nothing against the LGBTQ+ community. I’m just saying that as human beings, we don’t always function the way the Book of Morals would have us function. To even the playing field, I find it VERY difficult, as a straight woman, to give a fuck about what other women want or think. Not my problem, right? Therefore, I’m not surprised that a lesbian woman has been expected to, from lifetime to lifetime, marry and sleep with men they’re not naturally attracted to at all. Without questions, like assumption, that’s how it’s going to go. Obviously, they’ll want compensation for the act: “So what’s in it for me?”
Having said that, a closet lesbian woman may see a man in a purely utilitarian manner. He has his uses, right? If you know how to control a man, you’re better off having one than not.
Straight women know they’re different but might not realize it’s because they’re straight.
By my experience, I have always known to be different from most other women. The way they talk about men sometimes sounds weird to me. The fact that they so cheerfully declare they’d rather want to sleep with their best friend makes me grinch. If I’ve ever answered the question, “If you had to sleep with a woman, who would it be…” I’ve answered it thinking “if I had a gun to my head” as an automatic, necessary aspect as to why I ever would.
I have never understood why women think “girls’ night out” is so luxurious. There’s no bigger waste of time than the idea of GIRLS’ night out?! Why would you ever bother? Straight women have girlfriends, but they’re wing ladies, not… You know… Girlfriends. 
If a woman cannot help you get laid, she’s useless to have around without another shared interest.
That said, bisexual men and women do have friend-friends in their own gender, I believe, but straight people think of same-sex friends in a very different way; they’re not exciting to have.
Spot a closet lesbian.
So, how might you notice if someone is a closet lesbian? How do closet lesbian women behave compared to heterosexual women?
Closet lesbian red flag #1: She believes in female supremacy.
One strong tell-tell sign when trying to spot a closet lesbian is the fact she believes in female supremacy. This maybe right out in the open, but it also may come out in such attitudes as suggesting he’s lucky to be with a woman, it’s understandable she’s attracted to women as well, that birthing babies is an undeniable super power, and similar attitudes.
Closet lesbian red flag #2: She has an unshakable self-confidence with men.
While she may constantly be insecure about what other women think of her (straight women don’t give a fuck), she’s equally unconcerned about what men think of her. She believes any man is lucky to be talking to any woman at all, and that comes out in her dealings with the opposite gender. She wouldn’t interact with men if she felt she had a choice. She does it because she believes in the biological logic to reproduce, and that’s it. Closet gay men are the same, mind you.
Because a lesbian woman doesn’t really CARE about men, she’ll act superior, dominant, self-confident, and controlling a man a straight woman would naturally respect and fear rejection of.
Closet lesbian red flag #3: She talks about women all the time.
Straight women are quite indifferent toward other women. Closet lesbians and polygynous bisexual women are quite excited about other women, much, much more so than men and what men have achieved. To a straight woman, gay men, and polyandrous bisexual men, the same is true about men; we like to talk about men, men, and men only, and women are somewhat of an annoyance if they ever prove to be better than men – even though you know… It’s once in a hundred years or so…
We’re equally biased and blind to the sex that we’re not naturally interested in. As much as you can spot a lesbian by who she’s talking about, you can also pay attention to who she’s not talking about in an admiring tone.
(Polygynist woman may, in addition, talk about one special Uber dude a lot the same way as a polyandrist man might be similarly smitten with a single supreme Uber babe if he wasn’t smart enough not to talk about her, particularly on a date.)
Closet lesbian red flag #4: She’s annoyed with women who don’t give her attention.
Again, heterosexual women don’t really care for female attention. It’s rather irrelevant to them – even annoying rather than exciting.
For bisexuals, it’s about equal importance either way, but you can spot a closet lesbian by her annoyance over the fact her friend so-and-so has taken too long to pay attention to her. A straight woman might mildly wonder if her friend is OK after not hearing from her for 3 weeks or so. (She’s not concerned about not getting attention from a woman; she might be worried about a friend’s safety.)
Closet lesbian red flag #5: She’s NOT very interested in men’s stuff.
Heterosexual women are interested in things that bring them closer to men. They are interested in men and what they are doing.
Polygynous (bisexual) women may be interested in some man-things, but purely lesbian women tend to be quite strongly interested in women-only things, and things they think will make them attractive to other women.
In closet lesbians, it may mean that she assumes that you will show interest in women’s things too, but she may not have the attention span for men’s stuff – whatever that might be these days.
Closet lesbian red flag #6: Closet lesbian women might overdo makeup.
While openly lesbian women notoriously favor a clean, natural look, closeted lesbians may not. When people are with people they authentically love, they want to see their clean face.
One way to spot a closet lesbian, unless she’s very obviously after cock – pardon my turn of phrase – is that she may think men are far more looks-focussed than they actually are. To be fair, closet homosexual men probably are; to them, women are a way to make them fit in, and a status wife is a status wife. Closet homosexual men might need really strong sexual signals to perform with a woman, that makes closet lesbian women think all men are like that.
Straight people and relaxedly gay people seem to me to be more low-key. (I do think flamboyance is a sign of hesitation or a need to over-emphasize, just in case… Although I do love a good flamboyant gay man. ;p It’s like a fear that some woman might take him for a prospective marital partner, so he’ll make it obvious he’s not in the market.)
As closet lesbian women cannot really see a man for anything but a utility item. Therefore, they easily conclude that women and men are the same thing. Therefore, to hold up her end of the bargain, she must remain on top of her looks – and looks can be another way to control him, too… LOSING the looks is a way to control him as well by reducing his sexual desire for her, to be fair.
Women also easily bond over makeup and other “girl things,” but a heterosexual woman might be a lot more low-key and be far more interested in men’s things than gay women are.
Closet lesbian red flag #7: Celebrating the idea that soon women don’t need men for anything.
Heterosexual women have never “needed” a man per se. To straight women, men are a luxury thing that we love and covet. As a surprising consequence, straight women have found themselves often overlooked in the marital market, as they value men too much to bag a bloke self-confidentially. Then, you learn to live without.
When your heart is not on the chopping block, what does it matter if he doesn’t want you? You can always fake tears and make him marry you out of pity and guilt if you have to. (This might no longer work in 2025, but you get the idea.) Whatever tricks she needs to do to make him choose her. HIS WISHES don’t matter as long as she gets one that she doesn’t hate quite as much as another option. And even if she can’t get him, who cares, there’s another sucker right around the corner.
In the meanwhile, straight women are biting their nails, hoping for The One to come and get them. Fearful about what he might think, double checking if she’s too overly eager, pondering if appears like a slut if she goes for it too early, should she lose a few pounds before even talking to him… To a straight woman, his money doesn’t matter, but his love and his heart do. She may over-think his needs by a mile because she thinks the man she’s in love with deserves the moon, and she’s not sure if she’ll be enough, no matter how good she is.
Natural polygamous leanings.
I won’t go deep into this topic just now, but it is also important for a person to know that we are almost all naturally polygamous. I use the -gamy ending for a reason: it suggests poly-commitment.
We are leaning in 3 different ways: polygyny – which is a form of relationship that requires one heterosexual man to several bisexual women who show strong interest toward women, polyandry – a form of committed relationship that requires one heterosexual woman and several bisexual men who have a strong interest in men, and polygynandry – a relationship between either several heterosexuals of both genders or several bisexuals of both genders, as the base setting.
I’ll blog a lot more about polyrelationships in this blog later.
