It is a sad fact that we tend to be a little blind to narcissistic personality disorder in women. In fact, we often equate it as “femininity” rather than a disorder. However, NPD is very common in women simply because we haven’t really focussed on forcing women to get over it. They don’t benefit from growing up; you see, NPD, if you ask me, is the failure to grow up.
You can pretty much cauge the severity of an NPD from the emotional development of a child into adulthood without editing it to match NPD:
Children in adult bodies:
- Infancy (0-2 years):
- Temper tantrums when not getting what they want: Infants and toddlers often exhibit frustration through tantrums when they can’t communicate their needs or desires effectively. (They love you for taking care of their needs and loving them unconditionally.)
- Full dependency on others: Infants and toddlers cannot communicate; therefore, emotions are expressed wordlessly, and you have to guess what is right or wrong.
- Toddlerhood (2-3 years):
- Controlling behaviors (joy of noticing people obeying): Toddlers begin to assert their independence and may display controlling behaviors, taking pleasure in others (adults) taking their command. (They love you for your obedience.)
- Communication expands to pointing and short messages.
- Early Childhood (3-6 years):
- Playing pretend and make-believe with friends and adults: During this stage, children engage in imaginative play, often pretending to be adults or taking on different roles, which helps them understand social roles and practice emotional regulation. (They love you for playing along.)
- Self-image can be unrealistic and play-pretend.
- Playing to win: Children will become more competitive and start to play to win (or fear losing too much to play).
- Emotional communication includes some full sentences (and requires a lot of guessing from others.)
- Playing pretend and make-believe with friends and adults: During this stage, children engage in imaginative play, often pretending to be adults or taking on different roles, which helps them understand social roles and practice emotional regulation. (They love you for playing along.)
- Middle Childhood (6-12 years):
- Feeling peer pressured: As children develop social awareness and start forming close friendships, they become more sensitive to peer influence, experiencing pressure to fit in or follow group norms. (They love you for leadership, showing them how to do things.)
- “Show me a 7-year-old, and I’ll show you the adult” – self-image is quite well-established and realistic, but lacking a fully developed sexual identity/drive (although they probably already know whether they are gay or straight).
- Emotional communication should be quite advanced by now, but it depends largely on the parent’s communication capacity.
- Adolescence (12-14 years):
- Adulting: Older children tend to be adults a lot. Avoiding being caught of childishness is important. They may still secretly play with their toys at 12, but hide it from their peers. They try to navigate the complexities of forming their identity by a group they identify with and belonging within their peer group. (They love you for pretending you don’t see their awkwardness or reassuring them that it’s normal to feel confused.)
- Emotional communication skills exist, but the willingness to use them diminishes as the child becomes ‘adult’ and tries to become independent and less reliant on others.
- Later teens (15-18 years):
- Maturing: Kids that mature as expected will discover personal responsibility and willingness to display dependability. They want to show their parents and loved ones they can look out for themselves and can be trusted to take responsibility for themselves without supervision: “I won’t get into trouble.” They will still avoid “childishness” for a while longer until they feel mature enough (20s?) to be able to play and have fun without it, meaning they’re falling intellectually behind. (They love you for trusting them to be capable and responsible.)
- A 17-year-old is the most honestly authentic age we experience. They are still young enough to be free to be who they are and old enough to know what that is.
- Emotional communication should be fully developed and available for use. Child might pick and choose who they communicate with, however, which is a mature way of doing it.
- They are still largely dependent on their parents in terms of comfort but are increasingly independent and capable – and in a worst-case scenario, perfectly capable of surviving alone.
A little NPD test.
Therefore, take your over 20-or older date to a fun fair or some other “weird” activity for a date. As a bonus, make sure she can’t control the situation. Don’t choose something you know her to be “good at” through a hobby of hers. (They can sometimes have “childish” hobbies as long as they can display ‘superior skill’ at it.)
A narcissistic woman will be visibly uncomfortable in a childish situation she cannot directly control. A normal woman would probably feel rather excited or amused, thinking you’re cute taking her on a wholesome date… Assuming you can carry yourself as a grown man in a childish environment yourself. Appearances are important for a narcissistic woman, so put your date in an environment where she has a reason to be embarrassed by you but not a good reason to be.
Another NPD test that will work just as well is to take her to a very sexually charged environment. Something that shows “disrespect” toward a narcissistic woman. Even suggesting a date at a Sexhibition, for instance, would send an NPD up a wall.