Monogamy is about rationing people.

They say polyamorists are “all about numbers.” That is a true monogamist way to look at people: it’s the numbers that pique their interest and attention, not how we feel about each other, that we want to be together, that we fit together, and that the relationship works, that we’d miss each other if we weren’t together, or that everyone is having the best time. No. Numbers. What they see is numbers.

I am AWARE that I am irreversibly in love with more than one man. Although I’m not in a relationship with them, that’s why I call myself a polyandrist. I will never close the door on a man I know I’ve loved since forever just because there’s another guy more than willing to steal his place. I am also not collecting consolation prizes; every husband I’ll ever have I’d marry as my one and only – provided I didn’t already know about the others in spirit.

A guy I recently had to end things with because clearly, we weren’t on the same wavelength said to me: “Even though you want an unlimited number of husbands, I don’t even fit into that group?!” Yeah. The thing is, polyandry is not about the numbers. No polyamorous relationship is about numbers. MONOGAMISTS are obsessed with a number. One, or two, I suppose, depending on how to view it.

Each polyamorous partner should be 100% right. Not 99.9%, 95%, 60%. No. 100%, 100%, and 100%. BECAUSE it is not an easy relationship. Managing a relationship between unequal partners would be a nightmare unless the 95%-guys had the most robust self-esteem and an understanding that this is more than likely temporary… For them.

I came to polyandry through spirit. I found myself with three men I couldn’t possibly choose between if they put a gun to my head and asked which one I wanted. When they all fully loved the four of us, I realized what a foolish idea monogamy was. Like asking a mother to choose a favorite child and give the others to women who have none.

Monogamy is about envy and competitiveness; just dicks and bitches trying to find the highest value partner to brag about, but with the security of knowing nobody can have more than one… Otherwise, they’d die of envy. I don’t think it’s necessarily about jealousy, but quite rather envy and competitiveness.

Jealousy, in itself, is rather erotic, really. It can be a huge turn on, envy, not so much. Maybe for some people it is – given how OTHER people have reacted to me and my husbands in spirit. (INSANE!) One of the most annoying forms of envy – and expectation of me as a friend – is for me to GIVE MY FRIENDS husbands, so that they too could have a cool husband. I mean, WTAF?! IMAGINE a some rat-tailed idiot man asking his polygynous friend from high school to give him one or two of his wives… I mean… You see it there, but howcome when it’s men, people are like: “Sounds fair!”

That said, fetishes are fetishes, and sharing wives or husbands between friends can, too, work, but this envious and entitled bullshit is rather… Weird. And so is that demand: “If you’re going to fuck/love all of those men, why not me?!” “Uh… You’re an actual woman and I’m a heterosexual..? For starters?”

The entitled reactions that I’ve come accustomed to in spirit just leave one astonished.

I mean… If you have 2 friends, and I don’t have any, can you give me one of yours? Your dogs, even? You wouldn’t ask me to give you one of my five dogs, would you? (I don’t have five dogs, but if I did… You wouldn’t ask me for one, but some of you morons expect me to give you one of my husbands!)

Mogogamists are like freaking accountants with their attitude to love. “You’ve slept with so-and-so many people: slut.” “You haven’t slept with anyone: prize!” I mean – the fact he or she can’t get laid to save his or her life is not a factor? (Yeah, I’ve know those people… Women who can’t get laid but act like it’s so admirable for them to be a virgin, namely. There’s a big difference between untouched and unwanted, if you ask me. But it only takes one person to want you enough to manage to perform with you while picturing an OnlyFans model, and we’re even? Pffft!)

Anyway, no. Sex has never been about numbers for me. There was a time when I didn’t even question the validity of a monogamous marriage down the line, but I did sigh “why can’t I just have two boyfriends?!” but abandonned the idea directly assuming the guys would want another girlfriend, too, because that makes sense, right? Little did I know that my guys (in spirit) are not really interested in polygynandry any more than I am – it would be too easy. Still, who knows. Maybe there will be a woman too good to pass off for all of us, but I can’t see her doing anything but splitting our group, which is fine… I mean, whatever makes my guys happy – me, another woman, I am not one to stand in the way of true love, even if my own numbers suffered a massive crash.

 

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