I’m somewhat of a woman of principle, personally. I absolutely hate relationship games because they are so profoundly based on creating deliberate narcissistic reactions in another person and relying on your would-be partner to react to situations as per their narcissistic knee-jerk reaction dictates. The chase, in both men and women, is a narcissistic refusal to accept rejection, which means that if you play these games, you’ll lose. You get the guy, or you get the girl, but you’ll wind up with a narcissist.
Playing hard to get means you’ll trigger their rejection-junkie instinct: “Oh, she/he has to be superior to me if she/he rejects me -> opportunity for a status hike if I get them.”
Truthfully, all rejection, running, and chasing are all about a narcissistic reaction, and it simply isn’t a great start for a relationship. I just can’t get over it; if you don’t understand, I’m feeling insecure, too; I need to know I’m welcome to IM’ing you or call you or whatever and that I need something positive from you, then well. Fuck you. I’m not going to make you chase me, to humiliate yourself for my amusement, but I’m also not going to run from you to validate my position to you. If you can’t see my worth the way I am, then fuck, you must be blind, I figure.
One might argue that I am too proud to play these games. At the same time, I am who I am, and if I can’t keep your interest in who I am, then well, we’re unlikely to be right for each other.
I often feel quite… sick to my stomach, and not in the “nervous” sort of way but in a… “you’re not welcome to talk to me on your own turn” sort of way when I meet someone interesting and wish to talk to them. I kinda feel like they don’t like it if I do. And it annoys me. I wish they were cool enough to act like a fucking adult, but when they reply, they seem… Salty. It’s so… Childish.
One of my most self-loved traits of mine is to not be deliberately difficult with men. I accept that I may be misleadingly nice sometimes, but I’d rather err on the side of being too nice than too rude. However, it certainly doesn’t seem to be the path of results. And yet, I insist on it… I don’t want to wind up with a narcissist, even if the alternative is to wind up alone.
And the truth is… I hate men who chase me. Well, hate is a strong word. I lose my respect for them. When I’ve made it quite clear my interest is fleeting or superficial, I don’t respect men who keep coming after me. There are a fair few of them. And the truth is, I’m not even the slightest bit interested in them in reality. Otherwise, I wouldn’t make them chase… But my respect goes away when they keep… Begging. It’s not a good look.
And I am certainly not one to wish to try that look on myself, either. If a woman loses her respect for a man who chases, I expect the effect to be double for a man, albeit I would like to think IM’ing you first or back shouldn’t count for “chasing.” Still, it seems to be going too far. I should probably learn to force myself to not do that. Let them go if they’re not contacting me back I suppose. I guess I could play that much. I’ll just wait by the phone. Haha. No. Also, no deal.
I even imagine my TrEmoR chasing me after I somehow manage to play that game. I’d be somewhat visibly dating other men, and he’d be there asking me to be his in some manner of speaking… Even getting desperate, rapey, even. (Which, given my fetishes should be a good thing.) My reaction, every time, is a growling: “FUCK OFF!” The feeling? “YOU DO NOT COME AND INVOLVE YOURSELF INTO MY FUCKBUDDY SYSTEMS OR MY CASUAL SEX OR MY ANYTHING IF YOUR INTEREST IS PEAQUED ONLY WHEN YOU THINK YOU CAN’T HAVE ME! FUCK OFF. FUCK THE FUCK OFF AND ONCE YOU”VE FUCKED OFF YOU CAN FUCK OFF SOME MORE MOTHAFUCKA!”
And yes, it’s a True Emotion Mirror reaction. It’s a “BE BETTER” reaction. DO BETTER. BE WISER. GROW THE FUCK UP. It is still said with the same “I know we belong together,” feeling, there’s just a condition: “…but before we will be together, you will have matured into a man I will bother being with.”
If you want me only when you can have me, our relationship has 0 hope.