There are pick-up gurus, then there are relationship coaches. These are two different things. At worst, pick-up artists aim for short-term relationships or exploitation of other’s feelings, at best, they simply make breaking the ice easier. Manipulation of feelings is one thing, and helping people express how they feel and to explain to them how others feel is another matter. What I do, is to help people understand differences between people, not how to manipulate those differences.
I also don’t see why anybody would learn how another person is different to them, and then decide that’s the person for them… Although I do see people TRYING TO MAKE ME TEACH THEM how to manipulate a person who doesn’t want them into wanting them but that’s just not what I do. I help people who want each other to communicate that and help people who want the same thing to understand each other that they do.
What I do is I explain how societal beliefs and habits influence how we view the opposite gender – often with a lot of distortion – and how to see them in a more realistic light. And yes, I coach heterosexual people mostly, as I have very little experience on same-gender let alone transgendered relationships, as they function under a very different societal umbrella than straight relationships do. There are obviously going to be parallels and similarities and takeaways to take, but straight relationships are complicated enough for a straight person to wrap their mind around, the last thing a lesbian couple needs is a straight woman with a very fleeting attention span for women in general telling them how to handle their lives.
So am I going to be more attractive to men because I coach people in relationships? Phew, I shudder to think about it.
If my relationship coaching background makes a difference in my desirability in relationships it’s hardly going to be positive. It’s just that well… I have some stuff to say and I believe I have somewhat of a societal duty to say it. I have not been educated as a relationship coach, by the way, I have noticed people doing some really stupid things in relationships and seeking relationships, and I’ve noticed myself doing some really stupid shit, so I had to figure it out for my own sanity.
What I discovered were a few things like:
a) People are TYPICALLY not naturally monogamous, and they are not supposed to be. Everything that is unnatural to people is a fool’s errand to change. We are naturally polyandrous, polygynous, polygynandrous, or monogamous, the latter of which I add in as a possible category that I don’t TRULY believe exists… But I couldn’t tell for sure. Further I discovered I am the polyandrous type.
b) I found out that there ARE people who want the same boring-ass marriage that to me sounds like a thing I need less than a bullet hole in the head. The same thing that I’d slash my wrists in is another person’s holy grail. The same motherfucking marriage that I’ve been dodging my whole life, not out of fear of failing it or it “not being realistic” but because it’s the last mothafucking thing I want on this God’s green Earth, is, to my absolute astonishment someone else’s genuine dream. That same lifestyle that to me sounds like a paved road to depression and suicide by a bullet in the head for not being able to take an hour more of the boredom of it is the very thing that other women and men alike put themselves to sleep dreaming about. (And that they want it SO BAD even that no matter how strongly I say I don’t want that, they believe I mean “I want it desperately but I’m so afraid nobody would trap me into a marriage like that that I keep saying that I don’t want it to save face.” I discovered there are people who want it SO BAD THEMSELVES they can’t even believe in a reality where someone, a woman at that, says “I don’t want it. Honestly, I don’t want that!” and means it!)
I want a marriage and everlasting love, yes, but not in the form of a monogamous traditional marriage.
I am a romantic to the core. I am also a pervert and a polyandrist, I’m a spiritual person and someone who “identifies” as a fuck toy. And I am sorry if your emotional IQ isn’t high enough to piece those things together, but that’s how I am. You don’t have to understand me if you don’t, but you do need to let me keep deepening the bond and keep seeking for more people who do understand it.
I am definitely not everybody’s cup of tea.
This is the one thing I’ve figured out about true love. One of the things that make it so scary is that when you find someone who fits your crazy perfectly, you think EVERYBODY WANTS THEM JUST THE WAY THEY ARE. 
No, they do not. You do.
I am personally every man’s (and a good chunk of women’s) 8 to 9.8. Not perfect, but close enough for a lot of… Most people to think “I can make her into what I want.” With a few minor tweaks, I’ll be perfect or near perfect. If I was just a little more lesbian and shred my “sexual oppression” I’d be perfect, right? If I just stopped obsessing and “overcompensating” by “acting man-crazy” I’d be perfect. If only I was little less slutty and “trusted myself” enough to not be so sexual and selling myself with sex, I’d be perfect, right? If I was a little less brainy, I’d be perfect. If I spent less time on the computer, I’d be perfect. If I just spent more time with my friends and appreciated them more, I’d be perfect. If I was more family-oriented, I’d be perfect. If I just focussed on music more and writing less I’d be perfect. If I swore less, wore more dresses, we’re more “self-confident” whatever the fuck that means, and understood how beautiful I’d look with my hair tied up, I’d be perfect. If only I wanted to have children and understood how much I had to give as a mother, I’d be perfect. You know? If I took gym more seriously, was more house-wifey, or rode mother fucking horses or something, I’d be perfect. You get the idea.
Me being “quiet and shy” lets people dream about me, but the alternative…
And they all love me more for being quiet. They LOVE the fact I’m “Quiet and shy.” I’m not quiet and shy. I just don’t want to scream in too many faces how fucking stupid I think they are. I don’t want to be picking a fight all the time. So I shut up and have to, unfortunately, let people imagine who I could be for them if they “knew me better.” It’s a nice thing to live a fantasy relationship with someone, friendship or otherwise. There’s a lot of freedom in fantasy.
There’s a good chance I’ll stop being quiet and shy. Maybe in another lifetime, I’ll focus on being the nasty bitch I have chosen not to be in this one. Oh, I could be so fucking brutal. There’d be so much to dig a tagger into, but you know what ladies do not do? Dig a tagger into what they could dig it into. If I took that route, that would mean I would be less perfect in my own eyes. And yes, just writing this here makes me less perfect than what I wish I felt safe to be.
I have discovered most of my problems come from investing in the wrong friendships.
I am romance-obsessed. I am man-obsessed. There’s nothing I want more than a lasting, romantic relationship that is based on some mutual debauchery and gang-bang fuckery. That said, I have VERY SHORT ATTENTION SPAN or interest in my friends. I never cared that much about who I hang out with. Which female friend I have with me as a chaperone-type companion as I go out man-hunting. Who the fuck cares? I don’t care if she’s pretty, if she’s smart, a great conversationalist if she has impeccable morals or whatever. What I wanted to know is if she going to want to go out 4 times a week without getting shit-faced and dance relatively sober? Yes? Perfect! All I need from you.
Polygynist women actually invest EMOTIONS into their female-to-female relationships.
Now… What I had NO IDEA ABOUT… Is this: Some women, polygynists, namely, take friendships with other women seriously. What I also didn’t count on is that they TAKE PERSONAL INTEREST IN YOUR LIFE. I know this sounds like a perfectly obvious thing to a lot of you but to me… Fucking mind-blown! To me, female-to-female relationships are like an ad-break during a movie or your favorite TV show. Some make you laugh, but for the most part, you just want them to go away. You’re grateful if you don’t hate the unavoidable time you have to spend with them. If it were possible, I would pay for a female-free life, like a Netflix subscription.
But why this becomes an issue requires a bit of a dip into the spiritual side of things… Your life events are largely influenced by people who take an interest in your life. People who want what is “best” for you. They manifest things and events into your life on your behalf and influence your decisions from spirit based on what they think is good for you. That does not mean you agree with what is “the best.”
And yes, the universal “we all get everything we always wanted 100% of the time” general truth is still true. What we want is very complicated and it responds to every small wish. And one of the biggest wishes is that very few people want to struggle for empty drama. The struggle has to be real, to me at least, otherwise EARNING things become meaningless.
I understand things… But that’s very much a mixed blessing.
As I’ve become more aware of how people think, I’ve become a bit more paranoid about what might be going on than I used to be. I’ve just become more aware of ways we misinterpret each other, how we manage to fuck things up, and how to fail at relationships. It is important information, don’t get me wrong, you can be either aware of it or just crash and burn and not understand what happened, but sometimes the more you know the more you fear. You can fearlessly jump off a roof thinking you can fly… But it won’t make the landing any gentler.
Relationship skills are largely about ensuring YOU will not be the problem in the relationship. That doesn’t change the fact your intended may not have had the time to think things through, and he might react to things in a way that you wish they didn’t. YOUR self-awareness is no guarantee of his. I don’t wish to pass blame or anything, I’m simply stating a fact. It takes two to tango, and while you maybe able to mitigate a lot of problems, the biggest one of them is that the block button is quick and easy to use. Talk to the hand, right? And… I’ve used it myself. On a very likely True Emotion Mirror.
Knowing how easy it is to fuck things up doesn’t make anyone self-confident.
Ignorance is never as much bliss as it is in a romantic relationship. It doesn’t mean at all that I didn’t believe in true love, I absolutely do, but what it means is that there’s a certain bliss in being naively trusting in all going well and such shit as “if he’s your true love it doesn’t matter what you say, you can’t fuck it up!” While that is true in the sense that you can’t fuck it up PERMANENTLY, especially in the reincarnational sense, and that you don’t have to sound smart, or impress your true love as that’s already done… And there are about 80 right things to say in a bunch of 100… You absolutely can fuck it up for that time, and for years to come by one poorly chosen set of words. Your True Emotion Mirror is very likely going to be SO INSECURE about you, that they will take EVERY OPPORTUNITY THERE IS to misinterpret what you say as “fuck off I hate you;” and the younger you both are the more likely this is going to be.
And knowing that hardly makes me self-confident despite getting older like everybody else. It makes me CALM in the long run, yes. I believe eventually things will sort out but the thing is… We might be 80 by then. Better late than never may still be true, but hell one wishes to get there before 50. I was in my early 20’s when I had this vision in which I saw myself meet up with one of my True Emotion Mirrors “matter of factly” and “after I’d been through a battle” and I felt I was about 50 or namely 54. The battle is the spiritual battle I’ve been on for the last decade and a bit… The True Emotion Mirror in question is someone from back home… Someone who I fear I will have to wait for a little while longer. Someone I fell for at 21 and will never get over… Crazy shit to be literally telepathic with someone and STILL manage to fuck it up. THAT is the kind of awareness that doesn’t make you feel all too flash about your chances at relationship, a coach or not.