Repost from 2016.
In my previous incarnations, I have been raised a lady, and I’ve been raised a lady again and again. I know what it is to be a lady like it was ingrained in me—and yet, I choose to be the lady who fell. I’ve ran brothels for gentlemen, loving every minute of it, and although modern times have changed the way I do things, certain principles still apply as if nothing had changed.
Online, I read through a few pointers on how to be a lady, and I got a genuine shock. Where are your manners, girls? Here are my corrections on a few things:
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Master at least one dish you can prepare at a moment’s notice should you get unexpected visitors.
While this is good, in the modern day, it is not expected of a woman, a lady or otherwise, to be prepared in the kitchen. A lady is entitled to order take out – from a Chinese restaurant rather than a pizzeria, but also, being a lady doesn’t mean you have to be pretentious; if your guests are more comfortable with McDonald’s, there is no reason to make them uncomfortable by offering them sushi simply to demonstrate how much more civilized you are compared to them. A lady should never make others feel uncomfortable.
Besides, whenever has a lady been any good in the kitchen anyway? She is used to having servants. Oddly enough, I feel utterly incapable of getting up to serve my own guests, as I feel my visitors would feel horrified at the idea, and it would make them uncomfortable. It would be obvious that I can no longer afford servants, and that would be uncomfortable for them.
2. Hold doors for everyone, especially older people or people carrying heavy things.
Only if there are no gentlemen around.
Hurrying to the door before a gentleman who is present would be poor manners. You do not want to perform the duties of a gentleman unless there are no men around.
This is one rule that I break systematically, but a lady does not open doors for others or herself unless she has to.
3. Make plans with friends you haven’t seen in a while, and actually follow through with them.
Do not assume that forgetting to keep contact with a friend is an oversight that a lady would feel the need to correct another on. There is more to it than a friend slipping your mind.
There is no obligation on your part to keep in contact with friends who you haven’t seen, quite the opposite. Being a fake friend is not something a lady should feel tempted to be. If you feel meeting certain friends is an obligation, unless your household politics depend on it – and your friends know this – do not associate with people you do not genuinely like.
4. If one of your friends is a little too drunk to handle herself at the bar/club/house party, do the right thing and remain sober-ish enough to properly babysit and facilitate her trip home.
Ladies do not get “too drunk” to do anything and would feel very awkward about spending time with women who often do. If you feel like you are in the danger to get “too hungover” or “too drunk” to be a proper lady, please drop the act and be what you truly are.
A lady must maintain the air of appropriateness at all times, but should she have secret drinking buddies, that’s her business. Be it as it may, she’ll never lose control of her drink in public. In other words, a lady is always the soberest one of everyone present, unless she is alone in the company with her very close trusted friends who are also partaking in this scandalous past time and find it entertaining.
5. When another woman compliments your cute bag/shoes/dress and asks you where it’s from, it is your moral obligation to tell you where you got it — especially if it was on sale. Thou shalt not withhold the deals.
This is not a rule of a lady, this is a rule for a bargain hunter, and that is certainly not a word associated with a lady.
Secondly, if someone has the audacity to query the origin of a lady’s possessions, let alone the price of them, you have no obligation to answer such indignant question. A lady will smile and say: “That is my own little secret, dear.”
Also, a lady who would go out and buy an identical item that you own is certainly no lady.
6. When taking a boy shopping, always make sure there is at least a comfy place for him to sit if you’re going to be trying on more than one outfit (and you know that you likely are, even if you state otherwise upon entering the store).
Ladies do not take “boys” shopping. Not young ones nor older ones. Gentlemen take ladies shopping, not the other way around. Therefore, if the gentleman feels his feet are getting tired, he will choose a suitable shop for himself, this is not a job for a lady.
Otherwise, ladies will shop alone or among other ladies, ladies.
7. Always give someone the chance to make up for it if they’ve hurt your feelings, and the best way to start that process off is giving them the dignity of telling them how they hurt you. Ladies don’t subtweet, they earnestly reach out on Gchat.
Again this is not a rule for ladies, but otherwise sound advice for the lower classes. Ladies very much allow the other ladies to think through what they have done to make the other lady withhold their attention from them, and to consider whether they have hurt their feelings. The likelihood that the insult was intended is always there, as ladies rarely speak without thinking.
If so, there is only one way for a lady to react, and that is to assume the friendship is over.
It is the duty of the wrongdoer to apologize for what they said or did, not the job of the offended lady. It is a sign of a confused commoner should they not be able to tell how their behavior has offended others, and their frustration of not knowing is not a problem of a true lady.
Also, bear in mind that a lady who stops keeping contact with another woman may have noticed something unbecoming about them, and chose to stay at a distance. Being offended is only one possible – and least likely – of reasons for her silence.
However, ladies do not subtweet, that is true, they will be too dignified for gossip, obviously.
8. Be happy for friends when they announce big life moments, such as engagement or pregnancy, if only on the surface. When it comes time for your big moment, you’ll want the same kind of support.
Either you are happy or you are not happy for someone. Pretending is not something a lady is obligated of doing, lying is never something a Christian would demand of another Christian, but being cordial or polite about one’s possible disapproval is something a lady should be expected to do.
What this means in practice, is that should you hear about a pregnancy you do not approve of, you phrase your words carefully. “I wish you all the best”, (In commoner language, this means: I hope everything goes well as ill-advised as that was).
Of course, friends do not need to adhere to rules of ladies, because, they are… Friends. Between true friends, there is no need for being polite, apart from out in public, friends are tied to an entirely different set of rules.
Also, when your big moment comes, you would also not want fake well-wishings, would you?
9. Have at least one outfit in the closet for a job interview, one for a first date, and one for going home to see family (yours or someone else’s). The amount of headaches that can be spared by simply having a versatile blazer and pencil skirt at one’s disposal are incalculable.
Being a lady has very little to do with your wardrobe but what is in your heart. However, a good wardrobe is always a good thing to have, as long as it caters to what it is that you actually need.
Also, it is to be assumed that a lady is not always suffering from financial hardship, nor should one assume a lady will go unwed forever.
10. Keep a small bar in your apartment with the basics to make a few classic, tasty drinks for a small variety of tastes. There is a time and a place for having only a bottle of Mad Dog and some Boone’s in your cupboards, and that time is 19 years old.
Sound advice for a gentleman.
11. Learn the worlds of options there are between “orthopedically criminal high heels” and “computer programmer running shoes.” Find something stylish that also works for your life and tastes.
Thau shalt not criticize another woman’s taste in lady’s footwear.
A lady can be dressed in gumboots and an old hunting jacket and that makes her no less a lady because the job of a lady is to dress appropriately. Mind you, that not being willing to wear appropriate clothing to any event, such as to a strip club or to a rock concert makes you a little less of a lady. A lady never looks down at her nose the behavior of others, especially if she is prepared to join them where invited. They will also not join a group of people wearing their subculture clothing as if it was a costume party they’re going to.
However. Appropriate dresses do include the need to make sure the height of the heel is correct to the occasion, however, there are situations where “too high heel” is not a comprehensible phrase, such as a cocktail party, where a heel too low is a sorry sight indeed.
12. Keep fresh-cut flowers in your house.
Utter nonsense. You will not be judged for the lack of flowers by anyone whose opinion matters.
19. While you are not obligated to like any other woman strictly on the basis of being a woman, and there are certain things that are totally fair criticisms, her weight is never one of them.
If a lady would be obligated to like all other women for the sake of being a woman, this whole thing would be but a charade, I give you that. However, you are more than welcome to pass judgement on others silently in your mind as much as you like for any reason you like. For the sake of your mental health I encourage you to do so. You are also more than free to “not like” another person for any reason at all on personal level.
Still, you should not feel welcome to voice your opinion on any matter of another person’s life that does not concern you unless you are asked for it by the person themselves or under appropriate circumstances, for example; when marriage is being considered, either privately or publicly, or you offer your opinion publicly for everyone to get an access to – such as on a blog.
Remember, however, people have the right to silently judge you based on their own, subjective opinion. It is a part of growing up to know that not everyone approves of you, not even if you were a perfect lady, namely because you “act like you were better than others” at times because there ARE lows a lady won’t stoop to.
These pointers came from Miss Chelsea Fagan, who also offered some sound life advice that has really nothing to do with being a lady.
What is in the core of being a lady, is really what is in your heart, high standards for oneself and others, truly the counterpart of a gentleman, someone he can respect and hold as his equal.
Shall I add a little something?
In the heart of being a lady or a gentleman is to be great at making others feel at ease. To never take up more space than what one is entitled to, and to not put oneself forth too much. A lady and a gentleman is ALWAYS an entertainer, unless they are in company that prefers practical discussions – ladies and gentlemen are notoriously useless in practical matters.
Gentlefolk do not lie, but they may not always tell the truth directly. There are rules. And, while a gentlemen are entitled to their vices, a lady is entitled to only what her favourite gentlemen find entertaining to observe her do. Gentlefolk do not criticise each other for having vices – unless those vices hurt another person.
Sense of humor.
It is absolutely vital for gentlefolk to have a sense of humor. Ladies and gentlemen are layabouts who have nothing to do but to keep each other’s entertained. This cannot be done properly without a keen sense of humor.
Have you noticed what a witty person Queen Elisabeth II was? But a nobility has to know when to reel it in. They have to be able to maintain a cool and distant air when around lower classes without appearing impolite or superior. Gentlefolk will act cordially but not “lovingly” toward a person they consider inferior, and whose friendship they couldn’t possibly entertain as an option.
A lady will always pretend not to notice any lack in another person’s housekeeping.
I cannot stress this enough: Gentlefolk is not expected to be in anyway practical, tidy, or capable of maintaining their own house. A true lady and a true gentleman will always pretend not to notice such things, even if they were blatantly obvious. To offer someone help in such matters would require a lot of tact. “Showing love” is not what is required, what is required is respect and tact.
This is to say whether you have freshly cut flowers in your house or not is for the housekeeper to notice, not the lady.
A lady will never appear to notice another person’s financial difficulties.
If one notices another gentile to have befallen to bad times, ladies and gentlemen will pretend not to notice. However, if they wish to offer help, it will have to come under an excuse. An offer of an appropriate job for instance is a recommended course of action.
An appropriate job cannot be practical, I’m afraid, but can involve anything from writing to reciting poetry for an inflated price. Artistic work is what gentiles can do, and ladies can get involved in light sewing and baking, but NOT cooking, cleaning, or something a house maid would do.
Sometimes ladies wait for the gentleman to go in first
This is an interesting one to study. Even though I am very much to-the-core raised as a lady, I do ALWAYS make the blunder of waiting for the man to go in before me, and I am much more inclined to follow him than to walk in front of him through doors and tight spaces. This is because, I believe, I have spent many lifetimes with men who frequented places where normally a lady wouldn’t set a foot in. Therefore, it was a safety precaution for my soulmates to go in first, in case it was safer for me to follow.
Therefore, etiquette is only applicable for as long as it is practical or safe.
Ladies do make a mess
One way to know a lady is by the type of mess she leaves behind. It is not true that ladies do not make a mess, they do. A lot of it.
This comes from the fact that ladies are, in their past lives, gotten used to having help, and therefore, you can tell a lady by the mess she leaves behind.
Her makeup bag is immaculate. There will be no spills or dried up product on her makeup containers or bag.
When she spills something, anything, makeup, food, drinks, she will instantly wipe it out – but apart from that, all bets are of as to how well she maintains her house. The reason she cleans up all spills is because ladies do not spill things, and getting caught of having been so clumsy as to have spilled something would be a major embarrassment. Therefore, the evidence must be cleared post haste – even from the sight of one’s servants!
A clean and tidy house with fresh flowers most likely belongs to her reincarnated maid or housekeeper, to whom cleaning up after someone else comes as a second nature.
Ladies do not talk behind their friend’s back
This young lady in the making made some references to how to deal with being hurt or wronged.
Although ladies will trust their friends with anything, they do not gossip about their friends behind their backs. If a lady has something gossipy to say about another lady, they stop being friends in that moment. A lady cannot be friends with someone they would feel the need to gossip about.
They may TALK about their friends, yes. They can share information and discus details that everybody already knows.
Gossip is something that is meant to be spread. It is INTENDED to get into the ears of the person who it is about, in order to let them know that “everyone knows this about you now.” This is a shaming process and something that true lady will never take part in especially when it’s about their friends or someone they consider a member of their own class. Mind you, that wherever you were born in, and if you engage in horrible behaviour that hurts or exploits others, being subject to gossip is the least of that person’s problems.
It is wise, for anyone who wants to consider themselves a lady, to keep a good distance from women who do not understand this rule because it is a type of practice where your private life is at risk of being mistaken for your public life.
A lady should be well aware about which women are her friends and which are women who they are associated with. A failure to recognise the difference between a friend and acquaintance or an enemy in disguise is a line between a public humiliation and a game well played.
A lady knows the difference between her private life and her public life
Although ladies are not expected to live like nuns, they are very much expected to keep that side to themselves private, even if everyone knew what they were in the privacy of their homes. The public life should never contradict the private; a lady who engages in such practices as entertaining gentlemen at her home, if you catch my drift, she should give the other ladies and gentlemen enough information, as discreetly as possible, about her line of business that they know to keep their distance. A lady of such behaviour or profession should not expect to be associated with by others, especially not without them knowing who they are associating with.
A lady will also be able to read the subtext to another lady’s behavior, without making it apparent that they do. Gentlefolk’s personal relationships are like dance – you step back before another person has to step on your toes to keep a balance.
A lady brothellier, nor her patrons, will never tell those who don’t who frequents her establishment.
The flip side of this coin is that the other ladies are not supposed to ask any questions – not of their husbands nor her, about their private life, when it doesn’t directly concern them.
The only instance where another lady is allowed to bring this topic up, is when she suspects her husband uses this said establishment, and needs to calm her tormented heart over it. A lady in the know is also always expected to hold to the truth, even though she doesn’t need to reveal it. The closest thing to a lie, thus, would be: “I cannot give you that information” but she needs to give the same answer in both cases, whether the fiancé or husband is a patron or not, because if she only ever eases the mind of one woman, she will, in time, reveal a patron by refusing an answer.
There is one exception. If it is known that the gentleman in question directly lies to his significant other about his entanglement with ladies of ill-repute, the ladies of ill-repute may inform the lady in question of the truth. This is ONLY true if it is known he blatantly lies about it. A lady must be worldly enough to know men well enough to know that there are things that they wish to do that they cannot do with a lady of good social standing.
Can a lady swear?
Although the safest way to navigate this one is to not do it, there would be situations where it could be considered impolite to not to – and especially to make a point of not swearing, or to act offended when others around them use colorful language. A lady should also be aware, that gentlemen and relaxed ladies find it very amusing when a lady acts offended with all the air of panicked indignation when hearing something as mild as swearing. Swearing, at it’s best, is a linguistic exercise enjoyed by both ladies and gentlemen, and should be considered humorous or even verbal acrobatics when used truly skillfully.
Being a lady doesn’t mean being a bore… or even nice. Only highly moral and kind.
Sometimes being a lady can have a dark side. The name of it is “judgment.” There is rarely anything so entertaining as being able to truly “cancel” someone and even ridicule them without them even knowing.
I have past life memories of holding a conversation over the head of a disapproved (hypocritical) person, sharing information about them between the lines, and ridiculing them right under their nose… This can also be done to point out an intellectual inability in another person without actually openly calling them stupid.
These conversations should never happen in a manner that the topic of them will notice.
A lady will never subject her intimate male friends to certain sights and smells
This includes a pantyhose apart from what is visible in public. If she wears a pantyhose, she should remove it in the ladies room before he sees it. There is nothing as unappetising than the sight of a gusset. However, allowing a gentleman to see her in garters and stockings is more than acceptable.
She should also never risk a gentleman seeing her removed undergarments (always fold them under other clothes), and she should never dry her private clothing outside on the clothing line unless well hidden from the view. She should make particular care to NEVER EVER allow a gentleman to see as much of a glimpse of the inside of her panties at the risk of revealing to him the gore of being a woman sometimes. She must always be careful to fold her panties so that he will never see what goes on in there if you know what I mean.
And. This may sound like an impossible task for someone who hasn’t practiced, but she should never ever pass gas in the company of others, particularly men. She might, however, have close friends, apart from intimate friends, who might find it amusing to relax in this area, but this is a function reserved for a true platonic friend only. Obviously, avoiding certain foods will make this simpler, but no matter how difficult, a lady does not pass gas in the company of a man. It would also be advisable of her to quit sweating, but that, admittingly, is much more difficult to do than not farting – and also, I am joking.
Similarly, she will never leave the toilet in a manner that will prove that she has a human digestion system, and will avoid leaving proof, if at all possible, of natural bowel movement by timing herself to times when there is little risk for a gentleman to follow her into the cloak room – at least so that he cannot lull himself to the sweet belief that whoever used the loo before him was indeed a man.
A lady, not even a working one, never throws herself at men, but may show interest; “a working girl” will never approach a gentleman (or a lady) in any way.
This is as valid today as it has ever been, gentlemen are very put off by women who chase them to the altar – albeit, some may feel that is the way things are these days. It is, also, very much advisable, that a lady does not confess her love to a gentleman before he does – this is more a precaution than anything else, and not a huge blunder due to the fact this is one rule that has always been breached by impatient ladies in love, usually with very poor results, unfortunately, especially if the gentleman returns her feelings.
A lady should refrain from other advances but an eye contact and a smile – unless she knows exactly what buttons she is pressing with a gentleman.
“A working woman” should never approach or show interest toward any man because she doesn’t want to assume he would be interested in ladies of her profession. Discretion is an absolute must, and failing to protect her client’s public image, and at that his family’s would be bad for business. A lady of the night will only ever engage with a gentleman who approaches her first.
The same rule applies to other women, because a lady associated with a lady of certain professions would be very bad for her.