A chance to do what, then?

All my life I’ve been felt pressured to give people chances. Nobody has actually TOLD ME THAT, but I’ve felt pressured by spirit, if you can identify with that feeling. Give people the chance to do what is another matter.

Unless this is your first post you’re reading, you probably know I’m a type of a psychic. I can feel other people’s emotions and sense what people want from me, even if I don’t always understand the full scope of it. Now, for the last decade and so, I’ve been given even deeper access to other people’s emotions, feelings, and beliefs, and with that new awareness, I’ve found myself baffled and astonished how remarkably differently people think about things.

In addition, I’ve found that whenever there is a person who cares about what happens to you and who has SOME ACCESS to your spiritual self, they will be able to PUSH life lessons in your way, whether you truly need them or not. Child souls can literally try and educate the Ancients, who have long ago given up on a dumb way of doing things that to others still feels like a master class… Such as how to manipulate people and make them do what you want them to do to your advantage rather than mutual advantage or whatever might be fair. Ironically, these child souls still assume that you’d repay them for a lesson like that after you’ve learned to become more selfish and keep looking out for them like you did when you thought of them as your wards for one reason or another. The logical flaws of such thinkers are awe-striking.

(To be fair, I want to fix all the world’s problems as my spiritual goal, and this stuck-with-dumb has been an absolute must in that goal. If you don’t understand stupid, you can’t plan for a world that mitigates the problem of stupidity.)

“Give these men a chance!”

WHAT I am looking for in a friend, partner, or any acquaintance to be for me is one thing; what others think I must be looking for is another. My romantic relationships have always been somewhat lacklustre. Always. Very… Frustrating connections with men with an emotional depth of a puddle. Don’t get me wrong, I love men, but… I do love some more than others. Some I’ll gladly see made happy by a woman created for a little less discerning taste.

So. It’s like this realization has been pushed into my awareness: “Oh, but they’re still here; you can trust them to stay and… Pay your bills.”

And yet another chance to impress.

I’ve been giving people chances over and over. Another chance, another chance… But there’s two things I’ve never doubted a man in love with me would do for me: Stay and pay my bills. These are not the traits I worry about. If a man loves me, why the fuck would he leave me? If he loves me, he wants me fed and clothed. These things are an absolute direct consequence of love.

What isn’t as much a given is this: Will he be able to make my brain feel understood? THAT is a quality of a one-in-a-million man. Does he have the attention span for my thoughts and the capacity to understand them? Can he handle my ambition and megalomania… My ambition to MAKE THINGS BETTER. (What things? Everything possible that I can make better.)

I’ve given men the chance to impress me. I’ve given women the chance to impress me. But that has not been the chance they’ve been asking for, but that they will never leave me but they’d pay my bills.

Commit to me, pay my bills, and then what?

So this one man in particular… I get this vibe that he wants a “serious relationship” with me, but will not open up. Won’t talk. He may flash an inner world like opening a part in a book for a second before slamming it shut again. And yes. I like what he shows me. Everything he’s shown looks right to me, so I keep hanging on. BUT… I fear the chance he was looking for is that he’ll stay with me and will pay the bills.

But here’s the real truth. If he keeps acting as closed up as he’s always been, he can’t make me happy. He can be the smartest, most talented guy with deal-with-the-devil-good-looks, and keep me in a lap of luxury… What will happen is that he knows he’s “given me everything a woman can want,” but I’m still not happy, right? He cannot understand why I’m still probing for his feelings, and whatever, and 8 months in, he’ll have a new woman on the side, just to keep his sanity.

Financial dependence

There is not a position worse for a smart woman than financial dependence on a man. Now, I seem to be contradicting myself; how can a smart woman be both smart and financially dependent on someone? I’ll give you a very short answer: Situations are complicated. Most jobs are created for people with average intelligence. To a smart woman, it’s like being asked to glue macaroni onto cardboard for a living. Sure you can do it, it’s not technically difficult, but you just die thinking that’d be your life’s purpose.

So. There’s a good chance a smart woman tries to make something out of herself and get married to a guy willing to “support her” through the process, but HIS goal is to keep her financially dependent, while she wants to find her way in the world. And that, my dear readers, is a trap I am not willing to walk into.

I also understand that a dumb man won’t understand why his money isn’t enough. He thinks it’s her fear talking; she’ll calm down when she realizes she doesn’t NEED money of her own, but this is not about money. It’s about not being excited about the idea of putting your brain into a jar and staring at the TV for the rest of your fucking existence.

So. The question is: Do you enjoy thinking? Do you love a challenge? That’s an intelligent mind. An intelligent woman LIKES using her brain. It’s a good feeling not limited to the male gender.

Willing to romance me or whatever the fuck?

Then, there are these guys who treat romance as some kind of a movie scene template thing. They’re willing to buy me the dinner, take me dancing and whatever, pursuits I usually keep the fuck away from because men like that… Like… Could they ever have even the slightest chance of making me cum? They will also avoid all “ugly” conversations, which means you’ll live in this fluffy candy world that has very little to do with reality. Very frustrating. Very lacklustre.

Good at understanding women… Oh boy.

And the more a guy pats himself on the back for “understanding women,” the less capacity he has to understand me. He’ll treat me like a narcissist. The problem here is that I’m not a narcissist. (And I understand why people suspect me of it. I’m a megalomaniac for sure. Or a visionary if I get what I want done. The difference between a megalomaniac and a visionary is success.) I do not date for public appearances. I don’t date to make myself look better to myself. No matter how flashy you are, no matter how much talking and bragging rights you can give me to whisper to another woman’s ear, you’ll get nowhere with me… Because I’m not a narcissist.

I do love to say I fuck a firefighter. It does give me pleasure simply for that. Not to mention, he looks like Superman himself for reals. It does… Make me feel good to say… And it’s true he’s like that. And he’s lovely. He’s absolutely lovely. But married (open). So. Oops. The point is that I’m narcissistic enough to brag about a firefighter, but only if the substance is there as it is. I’m not going to brag about a guy who is barely there. Hmm… Except maybe if you’re a former spy or an A-list Hollywood actor, I guess. There are some sexy professions I can’t deny but… You know. Bragging about a sexy fuck buddy is one thing, marrying him for bragging rights is another.

What do women want?

So there are men who cannot comprehend a woman’s needs beyond this list:

• Commitment
• Food
• Protection
• Money
• Power
• Orgasms
• Clothes
• Romantic dinners while wearing formal clothes

When it comes to intelligent women, however, you can strike all of that out and replace it with:

• Intellectual compatibility
• Sexual compatibility
• Romantic compatibility
• Compatible goals, hobbies, and interests
• Compatible sense of adventure
• Compatible sense of humor

With intelligent women, it’s not about a standardized male unit, it’s about an individual. Do I fit with you? Does my ego (idea of self) play well with your ego (idea of self)?

The SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR in determining a successful relationship, and I will never change my mind on this, is a SAME IQ range. Dumb to dumb, smart to smart. You cannot expect a dumb person to understand, support, and fulfill a person much smarter than them. To be fair, although a smart person may have a chance to understand a person much dumber than them, they may not have the give a fuck to pander to their fears and illogical conclusions they make as an adult. Their capacity to show sympathy for fears created by absolute stupidity may not be up to scratch. Like consolling an adult for the fear of falling off the edge of the planet. You’ll just think: “Whatever, man, you’re FINE. Now, let me just go do something about a fear that is valid.”