Sebastyne.net is a personal blog about attraction, relationships, masculinity, femininity, personality, and spiritual experiences—particularly the things people think but are not supposed to say out loud. I am a relationship theorist, but this is my personal blog for my personal fun. On this blog, I’m not trying to solve everyone’s issues at once, just my own.

I write a lot about desirable, intelligent, complicated men: male loneliness, female entitlement, toxic femininity, jealousy, possessiveness, and what happens when ordinary friendliness is mistaken for romantic interest. Sometimes I write for very desirable (40+) men. Sometimes I write at women. Often, I address male celebrities. Mostly, I’m trying to work out what the hell people are doing to each other and why we keep calling it love.

Keep your BAR HIGH.

That is the closest thing that I have to one rule.

We are constantly told to compromise, give people a chance, stop expecting too much, and choose somebody “good enough” before we wind up old and alone. I think lowering your bar creates something worse: relationships in which both stay as a favor to the other, while neither truly wants the other but both want a relationship.

Nobody is owed attraction, love, sex, commitment, or a lowered standard. Relationships are not rewards handed out to deserving people. You can admire somebody, respect them, and still not want them. That is not cruelty. Pretending to want them because rejecting them feels impolite may be.

I’m interested in authentic attraction: what makes a person compelling, irreplaceable, or sexually and emotionally right for somebody—and why intelligence, beauty, humour, talent, personality, values, and some indefinable twist matter more than conventional relationship advice likes to admit.

I write a bit about all things thirsty.

I also write about monogamy, polyamory, celebrity attraction, Twin Flames, and my own True Emotion Mirror theory; along with dreams, spirituality, personal experiences, social experiments, Second Life, questionnaires, and whatever else I’m currently trying to figure out. The theories evolve. I contradict myself when new information warrants it. This is a thinking environment, not a finished doctrine.

The site may eventually grow into a social club of some description, maybe a sex club if I’m lucky. An interactive social and matchmaking space for adults who can respect unconventional choices, get to know people without rushing ownership, and take rejection without turning it into a character assassination. For now, the blog is the conversation before the club.

If you believe relationships should feel alive rather than merely look respectable, you’ll probably find something here.

Start anywhere. Keep your bar high.