People pursue three main types of permanent/serious relationships. They could be easily categorized as “a romantic relationship” and a “domestic partnership, ” two very different ways to look at relationships. People who are looking for a different thing can’t truly make each other happy or feel secure, even if they are technically compatible, as the objective of each type of relationship is very different. What anyone is looking for is not a gender thing, which is the good news. It’s a personality thing.
Domestic Partnership (Traditional Marriage)
People looking for a domestic partnership commit to staying in the relationship and doing the work for the families and friends you will share. They commit to the relationship, rather than their partner, really. This is more a commitment to the community than the partner.
It is still important for them to find a good partner, of course, as they’ll be relying on this person for all life’s difficult times. They’ll want someone capable and reliable, and often the focus for women is a good job – typically not a very high income is expected, but a good, reliable income is.
The focus on this relationship isn’t the love or romance of it, but rather the practical security it brings. People who pursue this often mix elements of the other two into it, often enough to confuse the other two types quite enough to coax them into this type of relationship when they are not truly seeking it. They tend to take romance and ‘daddy’ thinking as a practical element to any relationship, to “keep the fire going” or to prevent problems without truly understanding why these elements tend to be required in a relationship… But they are only required if you’re in a relationship with someone who was always looking for something different to begin with, but neither one of them knew how to express it or that it was necessary to express it.
When I refer to “(Life) Trail Companions” I refer to people looking for Domestic Partnership. They want people to share the load of the trail of life with. (If you’re looking for a romantic partner or a daddy/mommy relationship, using this term would be confusing.)
Romantic Relationship (Marrying for love)
People looking for a romantic relationship talk about “soulmates”, “The one”, and “Mr. or Miss. Right”. Their focus is finding someone who they love, someone whose mere presence makes them happy and elated. These relationships are highly sexual and romantic and are much less focused on the practicalities of life. These people feel practical matters sort themselves out and they are not too concerned about their social position or the externals of life, but they are looking for that life-long bliss that comes from being romantically attracted to someone.
The Romantic Relationships people are also not concerned about the community around them nearly as much, but want to rather vanish from everybody and be gloriously in love together. Everybody else, to them, is a distraction from their happiness, not a functional part of it, like they are to the Domestic Partnership people.
When I speak of “true love” without additional definitions, this is what I mean. I belong to this category of people, which will be good for you to know as you read on. When I refer to “True Emotion Mirrors” I refer to people belonging into this category and also being absolutely perfect for each other on the individual level. (And no, you cannot use the term if you want a Domestic Partnership or a Daddy/Momy Relationship, you would be misleading people as to what it is that you’re looking for. There are different definitions for them.)
BDSM and lifestyle relationships fall under this category because love comes largely from the same sexual fetishes and drives. So if you’re into some kinky stuff, this is the category you need to pay attention to, even if I am not specifically talking about sexual lifestyle relationships they ALWAYS fall under this category… Except for this one:
Daddy/Mommy Relationship
Thirdly, a relationship type that I will quite blatantly ignore is the daddy/mommy relationship. This is between a capable adult partnered with someone who just wants to find someone who will be able to take care of them as if they were the parent and child, or a parent and a teenager. There is a clear power difference in this relationship, and it can be sought after by both the “daddy/mommy” and the “baby”, so it’s not a relationship type that is exploitative in the sense that only one partner wants it, ideally, at least.
The reason why I don’t put this under Romantic Relationship is because it is not really romantic. There are a lot of people who want this type of relationship without any sexual connection at all. Many link it to a sexual kink, yes, but it is more about the need to let someone else handle your life’s worries for you, and the security of knowing your partner is fully dependent on you and unlikely to leave you on the other end.
This type of relationship dynamic is so well understood by the people who seek it that I am unlikely to put too much effort into explaining it to anybody. The more troublesome pairing of people are the people who think they’re looking for the same thing, but one is looking for a romantic relationship and the other takes it for granted everybody sane wants a domestic partnership.
Going further, these marriage types must be clearly separated
It is entirely possible that people will want nothing to do with the other two types of marriages even though they are looking for a committed relationship and a marriage. It is also possible that they’d gladly mix elements from here and there, but more to the point as a nod to their mismatching type of a partner, or thinking “romance is for women so I’ll do it” or “security is for women so I’ll do it” depending on which type he actually is and thinks the other type is “for women.”
Women, on the other hand accept that “men are different” and “don’t want this” depending on what type they, themselves are, but this is not a gender thing. This is absolutely a personality thing.
Now, you are one step closer to the marriage you want by being able to express what you need and don’t need, and you can find the men you are looking for by expressing as much.
