To be in love is like looking at the cutest of things, a baby, a puppy, or a kitten, and squealing for the joy of seeing one. To be in love is a feeling of joy over the existence of another being. It is easy for you, it is an involuntary response to the awesomeness of another person. It is to the credit of the person observed, not the person feeling it. The work of being in love is done by the other person, not you. You are only there to experience the presence of a delightful person. If you’re lucky, you feel the same way about each other. This is the basis of the True Emotion Mirror bond, a romantic relationship. If you are unlucky, you have fallen in love with an imaginary version of the person rather than who they truly are, or you’re in love with someone who isn’t in love with you back.
To love is the action of caring for someone. It is a potentially taxing feeling, tiring feeling; you are GIVING something more than receiving. To love is to your credit, not to the credit of the person receiving it. You love by trying to make that person’s life easier for them. If you’re lucky, they try to do the same for you. This is the basis of the Life Trail Companion, a domestic partnership. If you are unlucky, you imagine your work of love will get you love returned but it isn’t, and you’re living a lie.
The choice
When you are in love with someone, it also leads to the action of loving, if they let you, at least. It is in the best interest of a person who is in love with someone to take care of the person that lights up their life. This is not a choice between one and the other… Unless you choose to love first, in which case it is. If you choose to go for the action of love, you’ll choose to not wait to find out what it is like to be in love, and you’ll miss out on it unless it hits you when you least expect it… (and when your marriage least needs it… As it’s going to be someone outside your marriage.)
If you ask me, you will always choose a relationship based on “to love” as a risk of either you or your spouse falling in love with someone outside the marriage. You should also marry knowing that what they promise you now is not going to be a good predictor of what they’ll actually do when it happens.
The choice is between the risks of a) finding that you’ll wait to fall in love for a long time or waiting for the person you are in love with to act on it for a long time or for the rest of your life. b) Choose to love, so you’ll get into a relationship easier and faster, can function in the relationship easier, but find it harder to feel excited about being in that relationship for years to come. You’ll also choose the risk of your partner finding that they do not feel enough satisfaction from this relationship and may even leave you to free themselves to seek the feeling of being in love with someone even if they haven’t found that person yet.
I am not filling anybody’s head with these ideas.
The Life Trail Companion seekers may think I’m making a mistake filling people’s heads with ideas of romantic relationships, but trust me I don’t have to do that. These ideas have always been in people’s heads, the problem is that we haven’t always been aware of the fact they are not in EVERYBODY’s head.
The one thing us people do is that we tend to project our own wants, needs, and feelings on other people. Then, when we find our needs don’t match our partner’s we decide it’s “men” or “women” who don’t feel that way. Once we evolve a little further, we notice this is not a man/woman thing, either, but a personality thing.
Now… What’s in your head? Do you believe not everybody feels the same way as you do?
