What are quiet people hiding?

You know, for a while, for my own experience of being a rather quiet person normally, I’ve concluded that people can freely fill in the blanks you leave in a conversation with their own interpretation of how and what you’re thinking about and really feeling. It’s the easiest way to get people to like you: by letting people talk about themselves endlessly and maybe asking a question or two to hear more. People love that shit. Then, later, you hear them lament how alike we are, and you’re like, “In what fucking Universe?!”

A stereotype regarding quiet people is often that they are hiding some great, deep secret or deep thoughts, or they admire whomever they’re with so much they’re scared out of their words. In my personal experience, I’m usually just too bored to say anything in face-to-face conversations, and online, too polite to argue. So I think quiet people are smart, deep thinkers, but then I’ve found a few shocking surprises. “You don’t think at all while you’re sitting there quietly?! WHAT?!!!!” How is that even possible? I’ve heard of people who don’t think (in words) if they don’t talk, and I find it weird as fuck. I don’t even know how that’d work.

Maybe the only thing a quiet person is hiding is that they’re dumb. Maybe they’ve said too many stupid things at school to want to try again. Maybe they’re mean. That kinda applies to me. I don’t want to offend people with my true thoughts or by my absence… But that doesn’t make me deaf and blind to all of their flaws. Like, I may not HATE a person, but I’m sitting there thinking OMG, just stop talking; nothing you’ve said so far was worth the energy your muscles used to say it.

Maybe they’re hiding they’re insufferably shallow and judge everyone by the way they look or what they wear, and they’ve noticed people around them don’t typically like people like that.

Categorically, I think quiet is either a sign of “I don’t like you (much)” or “I know you don’t like me (if I said what I truly think).”

I think with my mom especially, she can’t even BELIEVE my thoughts I’ve expressed over the years are actually genuinely and originally mine. There are often times when she’s expressed genuine disbelief that I’d think that way, not even arguing the point but fully dismissing what I say as a potential real opinion. It’s like she edits me all the time. Doesn’t even hear the unpleasant bits. Adds a lot of things she’s told me and then believes I have said that to her. And thus, she thinks we’re very similar, our relationship is great, and we like each other a lot.

And I don’t think my mother is the only person doing that, but she is somewhat of a present figure in my life despite me stopping talking to her for 5 years because of that particular habit of hers – adding fantastical things into existence that she imagined came from me. I decided that if she’s going to keep fabricating stories about me, I should stop feeding the fuel.

I’ve settled on somewhat of a principle. I don’t say much, usually. If I ever hear “shut up” or an equivalent, that’s the end of the friendship. It’s surprising how often I’ve been told to shut up or hurry up to get to the point, considering how little of my thoughts I get to express to people. Usually, people just don’t have time to listen to the whole thing. I dream of a relationship in which I can talk as much as I want to. About anything I find interesting. That’s the relationship goal. To find people who can’t get enough of me talking. Of course, I want to hear their thoughts, too; I don’t trust quiet people. 😀

People who don’t have patience for my blog, for instance… Not friend material. I write a lot, of course. I don’t expect anyone to read ALL of it. 😀 (There’s another blog with over 3000 posts. That’s a bit… Excessive. And very analytical. I don’t need anyone to read all of it; in fact, I’ve made it impossible for them to… for instance, by not giving them the link.)

My reason for staying quiet is that people tend not to have time for the whole thought to be expressed. They get uncomfortable with my observations or true thoughts, even the ones that are not directly offensive, but either too philosophical, too analytical, too spiritual, or just too complicated. I think a lot of people think I’m deliberately trying to annoy them. (My mom, at least. She thinks my thoughts are deliberately designed to piss her off. EVEN WHEN I try to be really nice and PC about it.)

If I made people aware of just how many ways I judge them… Selfishness usually. Thoughtlessness. Unrefined habits. Sloppiness of expression… Using words incorrectly or unspecifically, I mean. It annoys me too much to be sensible. (“Use the correct word. Find a better word!”) I think that Johnny runs about 5 different ways to say the same thing or get to the point fastest during his long pauses. I don’t know if he does, but I think that’s what he’s doing. Just saying. What happens during the quiet? He pauses in the middle of a sentence, I think, to form the rest of it most efficiently. That’s what I do, too, but I lose my audience during those breaks, so I tend not to even start.

Of course, I may have sunk into some completely perverted thought. Sexually perverted. Not like… Factually perverted. I try not to pervert too many of my facts if I can help it. Anyway. During my quiet moments, there’s a good chance I’m dealing with an inappropriate thought. Perhaps planning a new Second Life thing. Writing a post in my head, spurred on by something someone said, usually as an objection that I can’t voice there and then because it would be… Out of place.

I am too comfortable with silences. My dad and I can take an entire across the country drive without changing a complete sentence. (Our country is much narrower than most, tho. More like a state for Americans.) And I enjoy those drives, but I doubt we think the same thoughts as Dad. That’s the illusion of connection as quiet people, I fear. I’m having a whole cast of soulmates talk to me these days… So even though I’m physically there, doesn’t mean I’m really present these days. I’m often even barely aware of where or who I’m with.

I don’t trust quiet. It’s so easy to fill in the blanks as to what you’d love them to be thinking without knowing it. Especially if you find someone attractive. You want to think they think these amazing thoughts that are just waiting to be discovered; then you find… Oh, you don’t actually think? Oh wow.

I think Brad Pitt is somewhat similar. I have some evidence. He makes fun of people when he’s playing a character he has a lot of leeway with. He mocks his characters. He seems to always be thinking something funny. Maybe that’s fully him acting on a daily basis. “Just looks like you’re thinking of something funny.” Maybe he’s usually morose. I don’t know. But I do think there’s more going on in there than he lets out. And I don’t think it’s… Nice. I think he doesn’t like people much, but that might be me projecting and wishing for a companion for my misgivings.

Johnny often attempts to describe a humorous situation he’s been in, only to be met with bewildered eyes about what he’s even talking about. I find his stories hilarious. I think he picks the most obvious ones he trusts people will get, when in truth there’d be a lot more. Again, I do the same. With my ex, I often began to point out a hilarious interaction between people around the town, but he hadn’t even noticed there were people. Such a waste of time. Too focused on his phone or his internal thoughts to realize there’s comedy everywhere.

Sometimes, I’m waiting for permission to say things out loud. There are things people don’t want to hear. They don’t want to be burdened by your true feelings, whether they’re positive or negative.

And then… Just because we click in one area, there’s a good chance I remain all alone in another. People can be very one-sided. Limited in depth and capacity to observe and even more limited in their ability to conclude.

I just want company for my thoughts.

I want people whose thoughts are louder than their mouths.

You know why we’ve learned to hide our true thoughts? Narcissists. Too many lifetimes spent too close to narcissists. They insist you say the right thing and look the right way, rather than speak your mind or seek true friends. So you learn to be a prop in their stupid world. When these people are your parents or family, you can’t even leave them to their plays and games, but you just have to take the role of the quiet presence they can fully control the narrative of.

I’m not about to tolerate such relationships anymore. But I feel like each lifetime comes with its contracts. You can review them during your life and start writing a new one, I feel, but your signature is valid for the duration of this lifetime, I feel. It maybe that that’s why you often meet your True Emotion Mirrors (Twin Flames) only after your parents die. Your contract with them ends, and you can fix what you didn’t realize you signed.