The problem I have with God.

I’ve been working on this psycho-spiritual theory for 15 years. I have felt called to do it. There’s not many people with the IQ and the personality to push something like this trough, so I feel like it’s my job to do it… I can and I’m willing to… And I’m foolish enough to think I can complete it, even, in this lifetime. Having said that, I’ve got a heir picked out, who can continue my work – and again, someone who can do it, and is likely going to be willing to do it. I won’t name them just yet, but I’ve got one. And they don’t know it yet.

Anyway I feel like it’s a calling, but I don’t know if it originates from God. I feel like I volunteered, like I KNEW I had to do this from when I was a child. I was 7 years old when I first felt it, but this time very much linked to God. I connected deeply with the Pilgrim’s Progress, and at the end of it, I felt “that’s who I want to be. I want God to be proud of me.” I don’t remember what made the Pilgrim let go of his load. Mercy? And that’s where we get to today’s topic.

If a person has dedicated their lives to the worship of God or serving the betterment of humanity, do they need mercy from God? How much more can he ask of a mere mortal? So, like a Dog ruled person, he lowers you to the same status as people who have spent their lives shitting in other people’s corners, and wanking on their neighbor’s clean laundry hung outside. No difference to God, we’re all equally shit in his eyes. He’s the glorious one, the magnificent, we’re just shit, no matter how much we want to polish ourselves.

Years ago, I wrote a blog post explaining why I left the church in 2000. “God has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder” it was titled. He ticks every box – if he was a human, he’d tick every single box of a severe NPD. So the question is, is he actually God, or is he the spirit of a human once worshipped as God? (Having said that, NPD is also just a matter of perspective.)

He hasn’t shown me many traits that would separate him from humans. I have seen him opportunistically take credit of random events, or events brought on by other people. Of course, he can use a generic “everything that exists comes from me” but it is truly a matter of faith to believe that, and frankly, the more I have talked to him directly, the less I believe him to be God… Or somehow inherently different from the rest of us bozos.

So while serving God, I’ve lost my faith in him. Well, technically I just wanted to understand everything. Not really God, but everything about life, the Universe, and everything. People. Psychology, spirituality. I understand… Everything I’ve looked into. I believe I have the ability to explain things if I look into it.

Yesterday, I saw a post about a man who r***d a 8-month-old girl to death. Things like that are hard to explain in the light of my beliefs: “There is no such thing as pure evil” and “everyone will always get everything they want 100% of the time, delivery times and methods vary.” That is ungamable. We get what we want, and most of those wants are subconscious for most people. I don’t think anybody wants everything they want, really, so they also want the trials, tribulations, the challenges, but still… To have your baby r***d at infancy, or to be the infant?! That seems so insane, one has to wonder who here has lost it. We love drama and suffering. We love extreme pain sometimes. And, thanks to shock, we cannot feel more than what we can take. We’ll pass out if the pain exceeds our tolerance level.

We love blaming others. We love feeling righteous. And we adore having excuses in life. Excuses NOBODY can take away from us.

We also love sacrificing ourselves for love. Being sacrificed to. I believe those three feel literal unconditional love for each other, but… Times like this I wonder if I’m just unwilling to see the horrible truth, or am I the only one who can see the truth?

Years ago, I befriended Satan. At first I was skeptical of him as you’d imagine. Feared him, by his reputation. But talking to him, I… Can’t help but agree with him and his logic. Now, it seems though, we’ve both past our judgement phase. We’re no longer capable of feeling anger on behalf of those who have been victimized. Compassion maybe – but to both the people so traumatized before that they MUST do horrible things for their sanity’s sake, and those who wind up on their path. We’ve started seeing the vicious cycle of revenge. Who knows what that baby did in her previous incarnation? Something so heinous that her assailant couldn’t wait to get to her.

There is no separate Hell or Heaven to go to. Both Heaven and Hell are on Earth in the people we’re with. The true Garden of Eden must be seen from space: Earth. Earth’s true name is Eden. What happens to us on Earth is determined by who we pissed off in our previous life and how badly. Epstein’s Island? Hell on Earth. Maybe heaven for some.

I love a good problem to solve. I like big challenges. So I got the job of figuring Earth out. Because some of us love a good but solvable problem, we exist on a planet with problems that are… Solvable. I feel like I hogged all of them because I fucking love them. Anyway:

The thing that we suffer from the most is accidental bad treatment of others. That’s why I created the 3 rules system. Showing love in the wrong place means you’ll turn into an abuser. Love is a destructive, selfish feeling when applied in the wrong place. We can totally and fully hate people who feel nothing but “love” for us… Well, nothing but love – in addition possessiveness, entitlement, need to hurt us for that love. It’s all good between true lovers – True Emotion Mirrors and Precious Soulmates, but if you mistake the people who you love the most for the people who love you the most, you’ll turn into an abuser, not a lover.

God is a Dog ruled person. Satan is a Cat ruled. There’s no other difference between the two, just two people who see the world differently. And each one of us is a reflection of one or the other – and the Tassie Tiger who cannot yet choose, and need to hide their true feelings for now.

I feel sad about “losing God” to what he actually is. At the same time, I feel genuine joy for understanding Satan, and finding him… Not a monster. There is no such thing as pure evil, I believe, but there is such a thing as pure wrath. It is, however, due to a misunderstanding of some sort. Lack of awareness of the other person’s perspective. Understanding people and other perspectives, to me, is the MOST IMPORTANT THING a person can do in this life. You cannot help one single soul safely until you understand their perspective well enough. You can try your best to help, and you wind up crippling them. You think you’re showing love, and what you show is either superiority or dismissiveness or downright abuse. It’s freaking amazing. The people you love the most can feel despised by you… Rejected, overlooked… All because we don’t understand each other. Or why we love who we love.

These are answers to questions God hasn’t been able to give you. Psychology failed. Everyone before me have failed. Thousands and thousands of people have tried. I’ve got the answers, and my mom and dad think I should start making clothes for dogs for a living, and God thinks I should receive his grace as an act of mercy, not credit.

Whatever people, whatever.

You do as you will.

The good news is… The world is healed by everyone doing whatever they want to – with people they love or at least agree with effortlessly. (For MOST OF US, that’s some form of fucking like Freud said. To some of you sick fucks, doing whatever you want is hurting other people (which is a form of fucking I guess), but only the fair few who got hurt themselves and don’t know how to heal.)

Another bit of good news is that to take advantage of what I know doesn’t require a massive movement. All you need is to recognize the 3 factions, and stick to yours. They don’t need to know the rules, you just need to know what to ask new people or what sub text to pay attention to.

The problem I have with God is that he belongs into a different faction than I do. They spell his name backwards, don’t they?