The lie of “your feelings growing over time”

I ran into this assumption again twice yesterday. In Reels I think. I was doomscrolling. Totally doomscrolling for hours. While I know this works on some people, men and women, who fall in love with the very fact someone is interested enough in them to keep coming back, it has never worked on me, or anyone who even KNOWS how love at first sight works or can imagine it working. Basically, there are two kinds of people: those who decide in 3 seconds what they want from a person (or if they’re truly interested in finding out or not), and those who need some time to decide whether they TRUST YOU or not.

The first sight people, like myself, have 0 trust issues. The reason why they reject others is NOT for the lack of trust, but for the lack of intellectual excitement about that person.

Most often, people think this is a gender thing, that men fall in love like this or that women fall in love like this, but it’s actually a type of person, not a gender thing.

A Genie winds up married to a total cunt and falls for her for some inexplicable reason on the spot.

I was watching this rather annoying bit of romance, a similar thing as the very well-functioning werewolf version; this did nothing for me except annoy me and bring back traumas from my stupid soulmate telepathy situation. In this story, a genie (the kind that is summoned out of a lamp by rubbing it) was released by a wish from his master: “Marry my granddaughter for five years and look after her, after that, you will be released as my wish.” OK, the granddaughter is a right bitch. Beautiful, but a cunt. Absolutely not the type of woman any sane man would be falling for after waiting on her for 5 years in a sham of a marriage. But he seems to be “in love with her” from day one, super submissive, carrying out every order blah blah. In the meantime, there’s this rival suitor, the same kinda cunt as the granddaughter, but in a male form. Then, all of a sudden, this bitch starts to be like “but I’m married already”, married to a man she openly despises. Like WHAT?!

The main underlying current is “who does most for whom” and “who takes credit for the work another has done for her”. This is Dog Thinking romance – the idea that favors “taking care of someone,” and basically just sticking to it when the other person is treating you with utter disrespect, like… She goes: “How many times have I told you to leave?! Yet, here you are, not budging.” Now, this was an ad, but I bet the ending goes somewhat like this:

He’s released from his duty to her, reveals he’s rich beyond dreams, finally, she realizes that he wasn’t in it for the money after all, (let’s ignore the fact her granddad forced him into this, and spin it as “he knew what was best for her”) and she melts finding out how he’s been doing all these things behind her back to smooth her way in business (as grandfather made him promise to do). Next, they’ll fall into each other’s arms, realizing nobody has ever been there FOR HER like him before.

As per reality, there are several problems with this story, of course. There’s too many problems in fact, to even make sense of who is playing what role, but the script was clearly prompted by a Dog Thinker with the forced addition of a supernatural being “which women inexplicitly like”, which would be Cat Thinking romance – they’re trying to explain the feelings of True Emotion Mirrors by adding supernatural elements to the story. So the script is a nasty bastard child of two types of thinkers, and I doubt that it would work on anyone, really.

So he’s being treated like crap, but he can’t leave.

So the idea Dog Thinkers have about love is that they treat you like crap at first to see if you’re actually interested in them. So this bitch would be hella impressed by a guy who just won’t leave after 5 years, not realizing that he’s got another horse in the game: his liberty. She suspects money, but the dude is wealthy beyond any comprehension, being a genie and all, so that can’t be it.

The Stockholm syndrome works on Dog Thinkers only. When you’re forced to spend time with someone and hear their story, get to know them as humans, Dog Thinkers will somewhat automatically fall in love with you… And they believe it’ll happen the same for everybody.

But it won’t.

Their idea is that if you can park your ass next to some person for long enough, they’ll start treating you like you belong there. It’ll work on another Dog Thinker, yes, but not on a Cat Thinker. If they don’t feel excited about your personality and intelligence, looks, way to be you, they’ll figure there’s 8 billion other people in the world. They like their fucking odds.

A Cat Thinker, like myself, won’t be impressed by long-lasting attention alone; in fact, we find it rather pathetic and off-putting. It feels like a person who keeps hanging onto someone who gives them nothing or very little (simple courtesy), or even deliberately disrespectful treatment, to TRULY send the message of “not interested, vanish, you idiot” in return, lacks self-respect. The WORSE a person lets us treat them without leaving, the more we despise them and their delusional idea of what’s real and feasible, not admire them.

WAITING is not the issue. It’s waiting for something that you’ve NEVER been promised.

I feel you can’t just decide to park your ass next to someone and expect them to be impressed in 5 years time. It’s a bit too simplistic a strategy, even if it takes dedication; any idiot could do it. And why me? NOT because you see me as someone who NEEDS YOU, right? You park yourself there because YOU NEED ME. For what? Individual, but the point is I DON’T NEED YOU, and no amount of waiting around is going to change that fact. My loneliness is not going to change that fact, because what I need I will not let you block away from me by making you my “one and only.” I need something ENTIRELY DIFFERENT.

In spirit, there are men who have been waiting for me, patiently. But they never needed to. I loved them either instantly or after trusting they truly wanted to stay, because frankly, some of these guys are something entirely different, and I just didn’t know why they wanted to stay. So yes, there is a point when you truly need to be proven that someone is for real. But the difference, the MASSIVE difference is this: I KNEW I WANTED THEM TO BE SERIOUS, but I didn’t trust them to be quite in their right mind, really. They’re surrounded by the most beautiful women in the world, they’ve got fans in the millions, and they come TO ME?! It made absolutely 0 fucking sense. I’d be a narcissistic fool if I’d just accepted it as “yeah, because THIS happens in the real world.”

Of course, I wanted them from the start, but I didn’t attack them. I wanted them to explain, and explain they did. Not to prove, but to explain. “Make it make sense.” It makes sense.

And even when we have issues, doubts, and feeling “what the fuck”, we always ask: “Do you want me here?” And to the ones I want, I’ve always said “Yes! Of course, I want you. We’ll figure it out! Even if this isn’t what we ultimately want, I want to know if it will work or not.” To the ones (all of them women, because men are not as delusional, I feel) I’ve said: “There’s no POINT of you staying. I’m not even attracted to women. I know who you are, and I am not a fan. I don’t like you. I definitely don’t love you. There’s nothing you can do to change that fact. I couldn’t change it even if I wanted to. You will never get what you’re  hoping for, I’m telling you.”

Not even death threats have swayed them – and I’m not fucking impressed.

Now, let me make this clear. This has been ongoing for 15 years, daily, every minute of every hour, and there have been times they’ve been driving me absolutely insane. I told some of them point-blank that if you meddle in my happiness (in real life), when I’ve told you and told you I don’t want you there, given you a thousand reasons to leave, if you don’t, I will kill you before I love you. NOT meaning, as an ever-hopeful Dog Thinker would interpret it, that first, I’ll kill you, and in the next life, I’ll love you for it. No. LOL.

There’s simply NO WAY to turn them off a mission if they’ve decided they’ll have you love them. They believe persistence will always be rewarded, and if they’ve wasted a year on you, they’ll go on for another year… In my turn, I’m thinking if I give in now, after 15 years, next time I need them to fuck off, they’ll take 30 years to do it… Maybe 150. Not that I could LOVE them anyway, but there’s a technical possibility of letting them stay against my own will.

This is, by the way, the reason behind a lot of domestic violence cases. When she, usually she, refuses to leave the relationship, believing that if she just proves he can’t chase her away or kill her loyalty and devotion, he’ll finally see the light and gratefully love her back. This is not ALL the domestic violence cases, obviously, but there’ll be a good bunch of them. And in my view, he’s not to blame, really, if someone decides to move in with him, call him her boyfriend and then take residency in everything, declare him hers, block other romantic interests with jealous outbursts, then call the cops every time he loses his git. (Imagine a man doing that to a woman. You’d INSTANTLY see why he needs to be locked up.)

Ironically, the same type of person feels it’s OK to cheat on you as long as she comes back, too.

And the type that wrote 50 Shades of Grey: “If you submit hard enough, he’ll make an honest wife out of you.”

Yeah. Gotta be more careful with my friends in the future. It’s going to be an exclusive club from now on.