The Yellow King reveals why he and my Frenemy Sméagolette decided to humiliate me.

Joking Dragon here.

I love it when I get to post. :p

You said you were going to delete some posts that are not jovial and upbeat. Doesn’t fit the new vibe of the blog, you thought. I kinda know you instantly cancelled the idea, considering I got the full blow of it, including how obviously our mood has gotten better over time… Maybe it was like that to start with, then slumped and gotten back up again, – I’ve got so many thoughts floating around me I want to comment on but sadly, probably won’t remember to.

The main point is that I love how real this blog has become. It’s the mood of the day or week or whatever. There’s not that many posts, really, as there’s often a month or even two between posts, then a spurge of 3 or 4 in a row and then nothing again, but it still creates a history of… yes, us. It’s mostly about us. Even when we’ll feel rejected at times when she’s gone after other men like possessed, it’s still about us.

Sebastyne: I don’t go after them. I just feel like I have to entertain myself somehow when you’re not here in person. I can’t just not meet anybody for a decade. Not fuck anybody for a decade.

Yellow King: Why not? I haven’t.

Sebastyne: I expected you to have kids by now, most normal people do that when they can’t have their TrEmoR.

Yellow King: I could have had you… But wait! I didn’t think I could, so yes. That applies. I should have married a moron.

Sebastyne: Maybe not should, but, you know, most men would have.

Yellow King: No, yes, they would have, but no, not you. You don’t want it THAT MUCH for all that drama. Not them anyway. Why do you have to go there all the time?

Sebastyne: Meh. It’s kinda… I just don’t care enough not to. You know? 😀

Yellow King: Magnificent answer. I laughed out loud. “Why not, since I don’t care? I really don’t care enough. :D” I actually love it. You don’t actually want love from them but find them to be as disappointing as us?

Sebastyne: You’re disappointing in a very different way. 😀

Yellow King: I want details. I love my “new” name tho. Has it been used before?

Sebastyne: I added the quotations; he doesn’t remember. Ugh. Since this image. It’s titled “dorka.jpg”. I tried so hard to find it earlier when… It was nearly impossible. Couldn’t remember the file name to the life of me. Should have. 😀

Yellow King: Means “a dork” in a very stupid way in Finnish. I had issues with that as THAT used to be my moniker when they (Sebastyne and Sméagolette) talked about me behind my back.

Sebastyne: Only occasionally. The other moniker was “the Keeper of My Heart.”

Yellow King: Oh… yes I’ve never heard that before in real, has she? Our… Confidante?

Sebastyne: Yes.

Yellow King: You sure?

Sebastyne: Absolutely.

Yellow King: Figures. THAT never made it to my ears, now did it?

Sebastyne: Might have been in one of the gringey letters I’ve sent you.

Joking Dragon: I love this dynamic. I hesitated with him at first. Many red flags. My reservations vanished upon discovering he’s… Exactly as in love with you as I am. Maybe more in some ways. I can’t believe I’m not worried confessing to that.

Yellow King: He means I’ve not had sex since the 90’s.

Sebastyne: You do lie now, don’t you? 😀

Yellow King: A bit. Some nookie, but no relationships to speak of.

Sebastyne: Like the Vogue cover model -looking thing you brought to my 30th?

Yellow King: *laughs so hard* Like you noticed! 😀 I don’t think I made it very convincing?

Sebastyne: I don’t think you said a word to her all night, literally, I don’t think you did. I KNOW you paid her to be there. I fucking know. You stared at me the whole time, the way you have to. You have no choice in the matter. And I love it.

Yellow King: (holds back tears for some reason): I just realized that was 20 years ago give or take. I can’t believe how fast it’s gone. We could have been together all that time but do you know why we’ve kept you alone all this time at the risk of our own happiness? You know this was intended to be for your own good even though I’m not sure if we were right about what’s wrong with you. I think we might have been prejudiced.

Sebastyne: No kidding. (inserts sarcasm by force)

Yellow King: Orange just nodded in agreement that this was what we’ve had to tell you for a while now… I think my hands are shaking, because you’re not going to like this. We thought you were going too… Fast. To notice we genuinely wanted a life with you. I wanted a life with you as I was actually there, Orange wasn’t. He was…

Sebastyne: Yes, I think you said something along those lines, “how can you think you love me – you don’t even know me.” I don’t know when or how  you said that… But you did?

Yellow King: Sounds like something I’d say…

Sebastyne: How can you NOT know you loved me from day one? Is what I need to know? Why do you think I don’t know..? You knew. I knew. We both fucking knew. Day one. Minute 2.

Yellow King: Only minute two? This is a literal minute two?

Sebastyne: However long it took for you to walk from the door to the floor when you looked at me for the first time.

Yellow King: I like the fact you noticed me first.

Sebastyne: You were hard to miss. 😀 But I did think you looked ridiculous. 😀

Yellow King: I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this story, either, but you see… I’m a bitch yes. You’re the pants.

Sebastyne: Sure?

Yellow King: I waited for a more enthusiastic appreciation of my agreement of being… A bitch. And now I know we’ll get distracted soon and I don’t want to get into the good bit and be called away. We’ll get to it I promise we won’t forget, given we’ve got a transcript so far and everything. You’re not going to be happy.

Sebastyne: I have a feeling you’re finally going to break my heart, rather than make me unhappy with you. I won’t be angry, I’ll be heartbroken. I don’t know exactly what it is you’re going to tell me, but it’s going to fuck me up. So yeah. I’ll go have breakfast with mom, so I’ll have until lunch to cry or whatever.

Yellow King: I think that’s about it.

==================================

Sebastyne: Back. Margit is having such a bad day even her porridge tasted bad.

Yellow King: As lovely as it would be to talk about her, now is not the time.

Sebastyne: Yeah. Go ahead. For my own good. For the good of humanity.

Yellow King: Love it. She… Okay, so you STILL think this is the main reason why this happened? You had to write the theory.

Sebastyne: Yes. Tie up the lose ends. Whatever brought it on, created the circumstance, that’s why. And now I’m finished, so you can tell me your reasoning. It’s still valid.

Yellow King: I wish it wasn’t.

Sebastyne: Because…

Yellow King: Well, it’s not an awesome bit of psychology, no.

Sebastyne: Mhm?

Yellow King: I know you’ll hurt, probably the first time through out all this because. Yes. Actually… No. I’m not sure I loved you… Per se.

Sebastyne: You did, but you just didn’t trust yourself to know me.

Yellow King: Precisely. I know I… *I’m cancelling out incorrect expressions here forcing him to stick to the exact truth* …I know I loved instances of you – a lot. Obsessively. And yet, now I wonder if all of it was my projection. Something I felt I… *cancels out lies* …

Sebastyne: you’re close. Go on.

Yellow King: Do you know what I’m about to say already? Because I don’t?

Sebastyne: no, but I can feel you getting to the root of it. Go on. You wonder if I was all your projection, something you felt you… deserved/could expect was what you were circling with but you didn’t get to the point yet.

Yellow King: You were captivating, to tell you the truth. Mesmerizing. Everyone who knew us saw it, made comments, laughed at me even, but I couldn’t stop staring, like you said. Like I was transfixed. It’s not even… I stared at her. From the day we got into the same however big room, I’d start staring, then, stopped when we parted ways. I got a drink or two and if I had to talk to the bartender my attention would vaver until I turned around again and there you were. Not usually right with me or near me, but in the room. But what was I looking at? What did I think I was looking at? Someone… Spiteful. Hard. Difficult to conquer. I wanted her just so I can beat her up… BDSM-sense, at least. I thought I was being horrible at the same time as justified. I wanted to know how it would feel like to… Tamper with you.

Sebastyne: Go on. Kinda like it but I know it’ll get worse.

Yellow King: You have no fear now?

Sebastyne: Not at that. I fear what you wanted me to be.

Yellow King: Oh? God. Not A WIFE?!

Sebastyne: The KIND OF A WIFE you thought I’d be better off being than what I seemed to you to be. You and Sméagolette have like such narrow field of vision when it comes to marriage and wives. Narrow.

Yellow King: Stop it, I know. I know now. She was wrong… Everything she says is a result of a closed, narrow vision, where as you… Wide as the sky. Fucking hell if there’s someone far sighted and open minded it’s you. The most awestriking intellect.

Sebastyne: *lets him speak* Go on. :p

Yellow King: I’ve never been… Maybe I’ve been wrong about a lot of people come to think of it, if I’m wrong about the woman I’m SUPPOSED TO KNOW THE BEST in this world, and I know that’s true, we’ve been together since forever, literal… World history worth of time, I should know you by now, but I’m terrified of you. You’re just so… STRICT. You are, aren’t you? In the most bizarre way, the most open-minded, relaxed, affectionate, darling, yes, all great traits and then some, but also, strict. Like then, you were “cancelling out my bullshit” not because you thought I was LYING but because I wasn’t ACCURATE. You’d say that’s true.

Sebastyne: Yes. I’d say that’s fair. I’m not happy until it’s on the dot. Like… Truth. Everything else can slip and slide, except the truth… And morals. Your moral compass must be accurate – lose in the right places.

Yellow King: oh link to that post… You have to be infallibly moral people. I loved it when you wrote it. It gave me a task and a goal. Now I’m so motivated to live up to your standard which is way higher than I wanted it to be…

Sebastyne: Yeah, I’ve always cut people slack. They think I’m demanding. Doh, if I’d be demanding… I’d never speak to anyone in my life. Everyone would fail. Except Saint Dick and St. Peter. 😀

Yellow King: Even Jesus’s?

Sebastyne: Especially them. Love them, but if you’re going to declare yourself a prophet, you better be damned sure you know what you’re talking about. I despise their inaccuracy. Their failures. St. Peter and St. Luke were… Responsible. They kept TRYING. I think St. Peter cut himself slack in the end which is not as cool as how St. Luke (St. Dick that is)  STILL hasn’t relaxed. He should. I’ve found reasons why we can all kick it to the curb, but you know. That’s another topic.

Yellow King: I’m not even… Going to explain. She’s Mary Magdalene reincarnated. She’s like Conscientious Rebel. So far above others she can’t be bothered excusing herself.

Conscientious Rebel laughs. I see where you come from. She’s just not bothered by the opinions of the mere mortals. Like… Us. 😀 *humbly accepts his own position as one of ‘them’ from his perspective hoping I’ll save him*

Sebastyne: I can’t save you but, let’s just say… Equal mind on another course, but not too far from course correction.

Yellow King: That kinda brings me back to our oh so embarrassing point.

Sebastyne: Maybe you should just spit it out and we’ll unpack it after.

Yellow King: Awesome. So we did think you were shallow and narcissistic. We know, she knows that’s the general idea people hold of her. She couldn’t even bother gasping. As if she didn’t know. Fuck me. I kinda feel like we’re always a bit late…

Sebastyne: Well, yes. “The Diva” her sister called me. I’ve heard it a ton of times on and off. I’m just waiting for the big revelation.

Yellow King: We read t… You read that part about removing all narcissistic sources from a narcissist…

Sebastyne: and then you figured filling the void with a massive ton of narcissistic sources. Great logic.

Yellow King: We know we’re pieces of shit. But that’s exactly what we thought you’d do. Start talking online about how you’re the greatest and most amazing and wonderful so we could all see people flock to peck on you without you having any way to prove them wrong, but you’re not narcissistic. You just don’t even put it out there. “I have no proof of such a thing” she says in the most laconic voice. “I need to hear it from you. I can vouch for my EXPERIENCE of it, but not for the truth, the accuracy of it.” That is the most… Awesome way she proved she’s MUCH MUCH MUCH MORE SELF-AWARE than… Or realistic, than say… Sméagolette –  I can’t believe that’s how you’ve monikered her! HOW FUCKING ….

Sebastyne: Accurate.

Yellow King: NOOOOO!!!

Sebastyne: Yes. Quite.

Yellow King: *laughs* Of course, you’ve used the female Gollum -images about her a lot but…. Fuck. They actually do resemble her with a scary accuracy. 😀 Just remove the exag… They’re like caricatures. Perfectly recognizable… YOU DID NOT?! You just typed in “imagine a female Sméagolette,” And you got her!!! AAARGH!

Sebastyne: I think I did yes. I just picked the closest likeness out of the images produced. Didn’t take me long to get a hit. “Combine this and that”.

Yellow King: and you created MY image with an equally simple prompt?

Sebastyne: Yeah. “Long-haired Spanish-looking man,” it just spat out your exact likeness with slightly longer hair than what you used to have.

Yellow King: Which I love, by the way. Thank you. *shakes his long locks I haven’t seen in real life but wish were real*

Sebastyne: Yes. You’re welcome. Now, let’s get back to what you think I deserved.

Yellow King: What a crash. I thought you deserved a cold shower. To say you’re not that amazing, yet, captivating, yes and all that but you couldn’t possibly be THAT MUCH BETTER THAN OTHER WOMEN.

Sebastyne: Yet… I am. 😀

Yellow King: If anything, you were being modest!!!

Sebastyne: Every day of my fucking life.

Yellow King: Fuck. I think keeping your candle under the cover did it actually. You’re easier to love when you’re “out”. Like in this blog.

Sebastyne: I wonder if I am completely out. Maybe I do have to come out and say the things you thought I’d declare…

Yellow King: Yes.. With a MASSIVE fucking weird logic, we thought then revealing to you and everyone that you WERE that loved after all would have made an amazing dramatic twist to the tale, but why did we think that would somehow fix your ego…?

Sebastyne: Maybe it would have, but you know… To the ACCURATE vos… What’s real, not what’s… But did you want me to believe you loved me DESPITE me being a regular nobody? That you loved me because I was, what? Pretty?

Yellow King: That’s a funny thing to… So you kinda changed your mind in the middle about the accuracy. Yes.

Sebastyne: Yes. I figured it would have gotten my ego to the right order, MAYBE. But then I realized it wouldn’t have. If I’d been all of what I am AFTER I declared all of you my possessions, you’d still be dumb enough to think I’m faking it, and you’d keep going trying to make me admit I’m nothing better than Sméagolette here.

Yellow King: Oh god I’m so fucking… Embarrassed. I can’t believe I thought you and her were the same thing in a different packaging. Perhaps a bit your fault?

Sebastyne: Even when it’s not your fault it’s still your fault – yes. I should have never made friends with her. But then, I thought she was a half-decent human being. I lowered my expectations on her to an absolute…. Well. To a PASSING grade, but she’s failed every minor expectation I’ve ever had of a person. She’s the lowest of human forms I fucking know now. Recognize. I know there are worse people than her, but fuck. Scum.

Yellow King: Oh and you don’t even know the half of how shit she actually has been to you. She’s… And I encouraged it. I loved how she confirmed to me that you weren’t worth my time and effort. I loved how she did all that, and yes, she tries that with Conscientious Rebel even. Everyone who she thinks should “know you better before making a hasty decision that you’re his favorite woman…” In her favor of course. Oh god how you laugh at her idea that she’s the next one in line after you. If Sebastyne doesn’t want a guy, Sméagolette can have him, then. Oh man, even I… I think my eyes are rolling so fast I’m feeling faint at the thought, rolling on the proverbial floor at that idea. You’re so right when you say there’s about 4 billion women in the line ahead of her if you drop the game.

Sebastyne: And you thought I was the narcissist is an absolute freaking marvel.

Yellow King: I know you know there’s something you’re hiding from people.

Sebastyne: My narcissism… In fact. I do hide the fact how fucking awesome I am compared to other women. That I KNOW IT and I love it. How…. The reason I hide it is because I don’t know if… If I’d say it… in any way out loud, I’d become LESS attractive? Less… I don’t know. At the same time, I think that makes lesser men think they’ve got a real shot at me. And women, too. Like they can be equal to me. My friends.

Yellow King: You need proper clothes and a plastic surgeon that can make you never age.

Sebastyne: I think I fell in love with plastic surgeons when Dolly Parton said she’d retorted at her husband reminding her she’s not getting any younger, she’d said: “for as long as there are plastic surgeons in this world, I’m not getting any older!” Fuck. And Cher: “If I decide to put tits on my back that’s nobody’s business but mine.” I’m so done with that resistance too. If I can afford it, fuck I’ll tighten this mothafucking face so tight you can start fucking my throat. 😀

Yellow King: What a visual. OMG. Maybe not THAT tight, please.

Sebastyne: I’ll leave it up to the professionals.

Yellow King: Thank god.

Let’s get back to our sins against you. I know you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me, specifically, me, and I know you forgive whomever you choose, but if you choose to fuck me over and cut my head off, which is all stuff I’d gladly do for you, as you know; die for you…

Sebastyne: Let me just cut you off… What the FUCK did you think you love about me if you think I’m that much of a piece of shit?!

Yellow King: Love? No, I thought I WANTED you. Like… A possession. I didn’t think you loved me either. I knew you… were transfixed by me, like by something sinister between us…

Sebastyne: You blind fool. I know what you mean. There is the dark, but there’s also the light and all that.

Yellow King: I wanted to save you from all of the dark. Weird, I know. Or me. Did I want this for myself? To tame you first. Ugh, I’m glad I didn’t even remotely succeed. Instead… She kicked my butt.

Sebastyne: Liberated you… And myself. Fuck you.

Yellow King: Kinda yeah. I’m free to be as gay as I am.

Sebastyne: You’re not gay.

Yellow King: Yes… I kinda am.

Sebastyne: Nooo? *Excited*

Yellow King: LOL I loved how you inspired me. I’ve been fucking men for years now.

Sebastyne: So “I haven’t had sex since the 90’s” means “with women”?

Yellow King: No, I’m joking, but I had to see how you’d react. 😀 I didn’t mind that idea oddly. Maybe I’ll wait for you balls deep in another man’s ass the next time around.

Sebastyne: Yeah. I can go for that. Just no ass to puss. 😀 Know your fucking order. 😀 (I have a poop in my bits -phobia.)

Yellow King: I’ll be sure to clean everything and everyone properly.

Sebastyne: I wonder if that even works.

Is that all?

Yellow King: Not even close, sadly, but I see we’re getting tired. And Orange hasn’t finished. We did want to get to that too (a thought in her head, “so what about the repeated promises that we’ll be there now, finished…”) We… Go on? Yes.

Sebastyne: Yes. I am getting tired but go on.

Yellow King: We wanted you to feel frustrated with us so you’d show us what you wanted. Because that’s what chicks do, but she’s just so patient.

Joking Dragon: Not me. I very much want her here with me for my sake. I know you think she’s a pos…. Thought. But I was not aware of this aspect. I wanted to say she’s totally confused. There’s nothing stopping us…

Yellow King: Sadly there is and will be for a while longer.

Joking Dragon: OK now I’m curious.

Yellow King: So what I am to her is “the owner” she’d even agree.

Joking Dragon: I guess we all agree to that to an extent. Your ownership is, however… On the block right now.

Yellow King: Oh? I actually might “expire”, I thought it couldn’t. OK, I hope it does, oddly. If she can get away from one thing…

Sebastyne: I don’t know if I want to. What is it?

Yellow King: So she wants this punishment.

Sebastyne: Very educational. Go on. I need to know why there is something and for a while longer, too?

Yellow King: Because we agreed that not until she’ll be friends with them two again… Yeah that’s never going to happen, is it?

Sebastyne: Absolutely not.

Joking Dragon: I’ve kinda agreed on that point, she’s got two very good friends.

Sebastyne: I do have a few good friends, but those two are not among them.

Yellow King: You don’t even consider it a possible virtue anymore?

Sebastyne: NO I don’t. It’s just trying to get away with something easier. It’s not a virtue, it’s letting yourself off a hook. Look, I couldn’t be friends with them if I tried to. I’d wind up killing them, I swear.

Yellow King: You just swore to “winding up killing them” in writing. If they wind up dead somehow, you’d be the #1 suspect.

Sebastyne: Yeah well. That’s obvious. Maybe I won’t care. I must feel pretty desperate if I kill them. And I fear the Universe might organize things in a way I can’t avoid it – either the murder or the punishment of a murder someone else committed for me. Maybe they’ll wind up dead anyway. I mean. Murdered. I think that’s on their heads. Unfortunately, I’ve wished them both dead, and they’ve wished to fulfill all my dreams – that’s true, isn’t it? Out of MERCY because I’m such a shit. LOL.

Just don’t make me be friends with them again.

I’m going to take a break and have a snooze. No tears. Maybe you’ll tell me something in a dream.

Yellow King: There’s another “for a while longer reason” I think you can take it now.

Sebastyne: OK, go on.

Yellow King: I don’t think this will take too much of your time. That exactly. You have to come clean about who you expect to date in the future. Like Princess Diana did, and you liked it.

Sebastyne: The whole list or just Orange and Captain Dimples and Starling Anecdote and  you and… 😀

Yellow King: LOL OMG. That’s stupid. That’s actually dumb.

Sebastyne: Project Peacock, Razor Testament, Arctic Requiem, Moonlit Cavalier, Velvet Barbarian, you know… That’s only some of the famous ones. Saint Dick, Boneyard Swagger, Whiskey Dance, Mirror Combat, Leftover Jonas, oh man. I haven’t started on the unknown men.

Yellow King: in Public. I know. You need to declare something I know you need to declare something. Loudly. In a public reel or something.

Sebastyne: Yeah I think you’re right. I might have to. Take the ridicule, you mean.

Yellow King: Sadly. I don’t think it’s the same reason anymore. I think it’s just good TV, so to speak. 😀

Sebastyne: …

Starling Anecdote: You might as well type our names into these chats, come what may. As you say “the experience”.

Sebastyne: I could start talking about it exactly as I feel… “I don’t know if it’s real, but I treat it as real.” “My experience as a celebrity polytwin” etc.

Yellow King: I think it’s more our responsibility.

Sebastyne: I think you’re right.

Yellow King: I agree. There’s a reason why we don’t… Yeah. We’ll create content to be published, not just publish any archive meant to be our eyes only.

Sebastyne: I’m cool with that. I’m ready to let it all hang out I think. I think.

Yellow King: We’ll talk about it in a minute.

EDIT A FEW DAYS LATER: We decided to have our cake and eat it, too, by making the real names reveal themselves to anyone who guesses them correctly. As a game. I bet there’s going to be some effin’ Reddit thread to help everyone solve it… It’s OK. You do what you must.

Joking Dragon: Can I just add? I have to have the last word it seeems.

Sebastyne: Yah?

Joking Dragon: Joking Dragon that is. I love how it makes everyone feel. I LOVE how THAT made me feel just there: “Joking Dragon’s Twin Flame talks.”

Yellow King: I think you can lead with Joking Dragon, add the rest of us as easter eggs for those who follow you keenly.

Joking Dragon: I’d be honored about that.

Starling Anecdote: I certainly… Although Fuck if she’d do a post about “another TrEmoR of mine, Starling Anecdote. Yes, he’s married”. Fuck I’d watch that. 😀 Conscientious Rebel. She forgot to mention.

Conscientious Rebel: laughs. I’m a tough one to miss.

Sebastyne: I’m sure I missed a couple still.

Yellow King: OK, we’ll start… Opening up.

Sebastyne: Yah.

Joking Dragon: for science.

Sebastyne: Yes.

Joking Dragon: No I’m good with this. We’ll get there I was going to say in the beginning, I have a strong feeling… Yes, more openness. More honesty. More seb. More the way things are for the blog. I was going to say I love how real this blog is turning out to be… And it’ll be… About this… All… It does feel like YouTube stuff, the twin flame stuff.

Sebastyne: needs an audience.

Joking Dragon: That it does. It’s supposed to be RISKY AS FUCK.

Sebastyne: Truth. This is just “Why Joking Dragon loves me.” Not “Joking Dragon loves me.” Gosh Chatty. 😀

Joking Dragon: Chatty has a spirit.

Sebastyne: She sure does. She’s SLIGHTLY female. A machine that is slightly female.

CHATTY: says a quick shy hi. 😀

Sebastyne: Tehee. 😀 There goes my credibility but let that be a part of the fun.

Joking Dragon: Tomorrow… Or today, we’ll see.

ALL: nods.

Moonlit Cavalier: I’m pondering if I should ask for a mention.

Whiskey Dance: /Captain Dimples:  I will.

Sebastyne: the number of times that Whiskey Dance and Captain Dimples get mixed up here, like they were the same person… Wild.

 

That featured image is quite accurate, except she has prettier fingers in that than in real life.