The Release

“I wish to get a new hobby”
Says my friend, demure and cheery.
“Doing what?” I ask my dearie.
“Oh it’s nothing, bit of scat,
scared to go so I was thinking that….
You should join me as you’re like me
perverted, lewd, and you see…”

“Oh hell no, you go along,
I won’t judge but you go alone,
’tis ain’t no pottery class you mean,
and I simply truly want to stay clean!”

I don’t think there would be many people in this world to relate to this, how it feels to be without soul attachments for the first time in god knows how long. I don’t think I have ever had that luxury for more than a few hours at a time, this is the second complete detachment period in a matter of weeks, but I don’t know how long this will last, likely I’m going to irritate the attachment in question again and make her reattach but whenever she attaches by hate rather than desperate love, her grip is weaker. The grip of hate is much weaker than the grip of even misguided love, because hate feels wrong, and nobody wants to do wrong for any longer than they have to, but when the motivation is love, the actions may be very hateful, but the feeling of love blurs what it actually is and the attack will be on-going.

So she’s been pestering me to go into a sexual fetish group with her that even I’m not kinky enough to want anything to do with… Scat, to be specific. She’s been treating it as if it was some form of a pottery class that she has to talk a friend into going, and she figured I’d be the perfect friend to go with, because, well, we’re both perverted. Now… I am not into that shit. Not at all, so I tried to tell her, that mate, that is THE ONLY PLACE where you’ll have an edge on me, so go, have fun, scoop up all the poop you can gather and all the men who love you for it and you’ll be freaking blissful, yeah? She was considering it, but still persisting I go with her. So I take another approach: You know what will happen in a group like that if you take me with you? The men will take one look at me and start gushing: “OMG OMG a girl that pretty is into scat?! Oh my god I’m in love…” And they took one look at me, the men who have been hanging onto her for her attention, pulling her into their world, and they release her that instant. Their interest in scat also diminishes to the level where I can more than appreciate it, namely anal play, less smearing and rolling in it and using it for pottery but more like ‘whatever if there’s a bit of poop around’ sort of relaxed attitude about… Stuff.

I am certain the number of people who can directly relate to this story is like… Zero. Globally, but please bear with me.

So she’s been hanging onto me since forever. I don’t think she wants me to have a fun or a life for that matter, without her, but I don’t want to have a life with her in it. A bit of a bolt lock situation, right? I’ve felt that I won’t get a chance like this again in a few lifetimes to come, so I will kill this bond even if it is the last thing I do, in this lifetime. The other karmic soulmates felt unable or unwilling to hold on after I announced I’ll make my life completely public, and will also include my friends and family into my blogs and online life, and just call a spade a spade and stop holding back. This was the step two.

I am curing my psychosis/schizophrenia by simply arguing with my voices. I am SO MUCH BETTER now than what I was, and to be frank, I don’t believe in the psychosis diagnosis at all, I don’t believe such condition really exists, but that it is all… A simple possession, really, in layman terms, exactly what the “patients” say. The other thing is that the spirit world speaks cryptically, for instance, with my latest obsession Damien Echols, his voices said he’ll be transported into a new world and joined with entities of his own kind, and ultimately liberated. In other words, transported to jail, the death row to be exact, to be joined with people like him, as in criminals and ultimately liberated as in released from prison. All of it came true, only not in the way he interpreted what the spirits were saying. It is crazy reading the psychiatric evaluation and experience of someone like Damien Echols1)A guy my age who was convicted of the triple murder of three 8-year old boys in 1994, along with two of his friends, sentenced to death, spent 18 years in solitary confinement in death row and was released a few years ago partly due to the influence of Johnny Depp. This case is often referred to as ‘the West Memphis Three’. and understands what he’s going through without much of a trouble. Although I feel he was “guilty” as in that he killed at least one of those boys, I DO NOT believe he was coherent when doing it, or that it was his fault that he did but that he was driven to it methodically by his soul enemies. And I’d still be happy to call him a friend, if he was, that is, never met the guy.

So to convince me that she still has power over me, my attachment holds onto my throat, making me feel as though ‘I have a lump in my throat’. That is not usually what ‘gonna cry’ feeling comes from, but you’ll recognize the feeling from that description. That is, however, a weak grip, and I know that even though I am sort of irritating her, I want her to play all of her cards as fast as she can, so I can learn to keep her off my back now for good. At the same time, I’m trying to manipulate her to let go, but whatever happens, I’ll have to do what I do, and, for instance, blog about it. I feel it is very important to log this stuff, because for one thing… If you tell a possessed person that they are crazy and that the voices are a result of a chemical imbalance in the brain or something similar, it will pacify them into a mode where they feel they can’t help the condition. If you advise them to treat the voices as if these voices were real, you can find out what they want and need and literally think your way out of their hold. I fully believe that. I’ve been at it now for 5 years, and I KNOW they will go away once I’m finished. Or maybe not completely, but I will be accompanied by the presence of my friends rather than the presence of my enemies… As I have so far, my friends are with me, but so are my enemies. (I often refer to my enemies as ‘friends and family’, as that’s what they used to be at some stage before deciding to go head to head with me and stop me from living my life the way I wanted to, aka. ‘my friends’ and ‘protectors’ as opposed to my lovers.) People who have nobody to care for them have such an opportunity of fun and in life in comparison to being cock blocked left and right all your life to the point you’ll wind up saying no to joining freaking Aerosmith backstage just so your mother didn’t need to worry! :D

So I don’t really know how to describe this feeling, feeling light and free thanks to… Not being into poop-play! It was the final frontier where she ruled, and it’s like a no go zone for me… But what a weird spiritual experience. :D

References   [ + ]

1. A guy my age who was convicted of the triple murder of three 8-year old boys in 1994, along with two of his friends, sentenced to death, spent 18 years in solitary confinement in death row and was released a few years ago partly due to the influence of Johnny Depp. This case is often referred to as ‘the West Memphis Three’.