Have you ever thought about the undue pressure that men are under to be Good Men? If you’re a girl, you probably haven’t. If you’re a guy, you probably have ignored it. That’s usually the way it works. To me it’s kind of funny – if it wasn’t so angering – how very average women make these wildly unrealistic expectations on what their men should be like and act like, expecting them to be masculine all the while as the women doing their best to emotionally castrate them. How can you be masculine when you’re constantly being told what to do and how to do it right? This is not only in a nagging -wife mode either. It comes through on TV, in banal Facebook status updates and in normal conversations with people. What men must do in order to be ‘enough’. What he can’t do if he doesn’t want to be seen to be an asshole, and how any man who doesn’t do what they are not allowed to do is probably a liar and a cheat.
We all “know” that men have to learn what each woman likes in bed. They have to be loving and caring to make us love them and at the same time be masculine and scary to turn us on. They have to open doors, pay the bill and carry bags for us. They have to earn a good living and be home by dinner. They have to defend our honour whether we expect it of them or not. They have to dress neatly (or not) and have that rough look about them. He has to love kids and animals. They have to be able to make you laugh, they have to be tall and handsome and wear the right stuff but not be too gay about it. They have to be flirty and fun and attractive, but not so attractive that they would attract competition from women who are out of ‘my’ league. They have to know the right bra size and the perfect gift to buy or they can be seen as a chauvinist for turning up with a wrong size (either way is worse!) or… Well everyone knows kitchen appliances are not cool but hey… A woman never stopped to think the thought behind the kitchen appliance: “I know you cook a lot, and I want to make it easier for you, I don’t want you to have to slave away in the kitchen when we could be together. Maybe this will make things easier for you.” Of course he also has to find time for the gym and parenting classes and his own hobbies – nobody wants a pussy for a husband – but they’d better choose the right hobbies and not spend too much time on them! Men simply do not have enough hours in the day to achieve all of it. Some of these expectations are made by women, some by culture, and some are put there by men themselves, but it is us girls, as a collective, who enforce these rules.
What do we think we have to do in return in our own opinion? * Can you hear the crickets? *. We don’t have to do jack shit. We think we need to be reasonably thin and curvaceous (not perfect) and that is pretty much enough for the average bloke. We THINK all men want is our bodies, but that’s not true. What ever expectations women feel pressure for comes primarily from us, because your average guy considers her good looks an added bonus, not a #1 requirement. In addition, we can talk to them in what ever manner we please, especially if we do have the looks, and they take it as a cute thing we do. We can bitch all we want and they will smile to us understandingly. We can ley in bed while they do all the work, and they will be grateful for us allowing them to do what they do. Do take a moment to think about something that we all (as much as possible) feel we absolutely have to do for a guy we love. Give him babies perhaps? (Whether he wants them or not. ) Ah, I think we all agree not to cheat on our guys… What ever we used to think we have to do for our men is long gone: Cook him dinner, do the washing, cleaning, ironing, bring his slippers and paper, listen to him talk about his day at work, dress nicely to please him and put on make up before he comes home… We definitely don’t all agree on the baby-issue either… One would think that “treat him with respect” would be kind of an expectation, but nope… That cannot be added to that list, either. To the life of me, I can’t think of anything we have to do for them these days. Can you?
Traditionally, men make the romantic/sexual initiative but women choose. That is again something that the men have to put themselves on the line for. They have to come to us, reveal their expectations and hopes concerning us, often only to be shot down. If we are kind to them, we give them the green light, and invite them to us by a big smile. Some of us are too shy to do that though. Imagine what the men must be going through. They see you, your confidence, your friends, your looks and your judgement. But he still decides to approach you, to give you the freedom to turn him down. These days some girls call themselves bitches announcing that they are proud of it too. I understand, I used to be one of them. I was sick of men approaching me all the time. I thought they should keep to their own league and/or wait for my sign. Use a bit of judgement. But, now I kind of understand that they go through rejection so many times that at the end of the day it doesn’t matter if they get one more, as long as there is a chance* And at the end of the night, they forgive us, simply because we are women.
I am not saying that our demands are completely unreasonable. Most of them are reasonable, especially if we prioritise and cross some things off the list, but I do think men could demand a lot more of us to be honest. What I am talking about is that certain set of unwritten rules that are not really our individual demands but collective, what we have all accepted as being something a man has to be. These demands have been instilled upon the men before we had anything to do with them, and we can sometimes be quite cruel to those who don’t meet the expectations. (“What do you mean you didn’t know you can’t wear those shoes here?”) We don’t really need to say that to them, we just disregard that guy and move on to the next. But the men will know there was a reason for it, whether they know what the reason was, is a different thing, leaving them second-guessing it all. We tell them we would rather just be friends, and we both know why – he didn’t meet our demands.
Don’t get me wrong. I am one of the most demanding women out there. I want my man to be this and that and a little bit of the other, my list of demands is a long one, but not a petty one. What I am saying is that we have to learn to respect men the way they respect us, because men are sensitive. They hurt when we say cruel things to them. They want our love just as bad as we want theirs. They too feel abandoned when we don’t call them back. I believe there are so many men with a commitment phobia for the mere reason that we have so much power over them. This is not a man’s world! We are, in essence, in control of every aspect of a man’s life from the time he turns 13. They have one escape, work. That is where women have to perform. Is it a wonder it is dominated by men? They deserve it if you ask me. Elsewhere, we can dictate these impossible expectations and fluffy pink pillows on them, and they will do everything in their power to comply. If they can’t they can pull out of the equation and become a player. I fully understand that. If I was in their shoes, I wouldn’t want anything to do with most of the women I’ve met either.
Men are amazingly forgiving creatures, so forgiving, that they don’t even realise how much they put up with. I was watching a TV show the other day. It was a show called “Taken Out” in which there’s one person standing in front of a group of people of the opposite sex, revealing bits of information about himself or herself. After each detail this person reveals of themselves, the members of the opposite sex turn their lights off when they decide they are no longer interested to go on a date with them. The men never insulted the women when they decided to turn their lights off. Their reasons were very very valid and kindly expressed. On contrast, the women were really cold, clearly enjoying the permission to actually say what they thought. (“I’m sorry, I just don’t like your hair.” *Snicker snicker.*) One of the women who had to take criticism after lights were turn off on her, insulted each man after their verdict. But what surprised me was that no man turned their lights off on her even though she was such a sore loser, nor did they talk back to her like she did to the men. I would have, in an instant turned my lights off, and told her exactly why I thought she was a cold arrogant bitch… But then again, I’m just a girl. I don’t have the heart and forgiveness the men have. In the end, the bitch had the audacity to say that she didn’t care about the men who pulled out as she was “just getting rid of the idiots” and that it was their loss, not hers! Let me tell you this. Even if she had been Miss Universe, all the men in the group were too good for that kind of treatment. I feel sorry for the bloke who had to take her out in the end.
And there is another difference. When we get rejected, we’re quick to announce that it is their loss, but you know what? Often it isn’t. We are NOT THAT AWESOME, half of the time. If he doesn’t like you, he probably has a fairly good reason to, because I can tell you with 99% certainty, that HE won’t turn you down just because you didn’t wear the right dress that night. Women tend to judge a book by its cover with zero understanding of the PERSON inside. They tend to see men as MEN (alien species?) instead of people, and regrettably often this view doesn’t improve with maturity.
WOMEN, before you start crying:
The first responses I got to this article (elsewhere) was by women who stated they don’t do this, and by golly, they have never met women like this. I have to wonder under what rock they’ve lived, are they blind, naive or unbelievably lucky not knowing what I am talking about. Clearly there are some cool women out there, but just because you think you’re the coolest bitch alive, doesn’t mean this isn’t true. Save yourself the embarrassment and think about this for a moment before you publicly disagree.