I simply could not believe my eyes when I read a recent article on Huffington Post on what to do in a marriage when one party wants a child and the other one does not. The interviewed expert in question, Harriet Lerner implied that it would be OK, although somewhat risky for a female to poke holes in her contraceptive device in order to become pregnant without her husband’s approval. She “strongly advices” to not go down that road, but who in their right mind would suggest it’s even remotely acceptable to use oopsing as a acceptable method of bringing a child into this world?!
She also goes on to suggest that it would be okay for a couple to have a child if the “no” party would agree to do so regardless of his or her conviction of not having a child. I would assume that in her mind she was thinking “his”. I cannot believe this keep happening! Men cannot be taken as secondary parties to a relationship, and this keeps coming from people who claim to be experts in their field! Either way, if one party is hesitant in having a child this SHOULD BE a deal breaker or a NO WINS. If one party in the relationship feels that they would rather DECEIVE the other party to have child rather than RESPECT them (and their unborn child) than not have a child, clearly they are not married to the right person. Some things are more important than marriage vows, and this is absolutely one of those things.
Interestingly enough she does see a conflict in a contract where the other party agrees to take care of the child completely while the other one would only take care of the finances. While I agree, I wonder how she can’t see the other two alternatives as appalling as they are. At least in this scenario both parties would know what the deal was, although it is the most stupid agreement to make on the planet.
Let’s go back to that oopsing thing, shall we? Let’s reverse the roles. If Lerner would have said that it would be somewhat deceptive of the husband to poke holes in his condom in order to impregnate her, we would have been shouting bloody murder. Why is it okay for a woman to do this to a man? This is so sexist I’m blinded by anger!!